Question

can someone fix my paragraph. "The reason why I am not ready to be a senior is because I don't really know how to develop my own form of shorthand and speed writing. I feel my writing skill don't look like a twelve grader. My reading skills is not at the level of a twelve grader. I still need help on developing my people skills. I don't participate in class very often and being a senior you have to be required to think a lot. I still have time to be ready so I can become a well prepare senior.
If I want to be ready to be senior for next year I have to start participating more in class. I have to act more like a young adult by speaking more professional. I need to improve my writing skills and expand my vocabulary. I have to finish strong in my junior year so I can prepare myself for next year. I want to make sure I have the skills I need to have a successful senior year."

Answer 1

where is this for?

Answer 2

what exactly do you want us to check. the grammar or give you overall feed back on the paragraph?

Answer 3

do not use 'don't' in a paragraph :)

Answer 4

Hi Zipp,

I'd be glad to give you more direct feedback if you ask specific questions, but I can give you a few thoughts.

The points you make are good. It sounds like you are being self-reflective which is good, but the paragraph should be clearer in direction. Think about it like driving down a road on a dark night. If there is a sharp turn ahead, the people who made the road will put up a warning sign or two. In your first paragraph, you have two main points, your technical skills need to improve, and you need to develop your people or classroom skills. Add a quick transition between the two points to let the reader know you are changing directions. So, "My reading skills are not at the level of a senior. In addition, I need help developing my people skills." The words, "In addition," tell the reader that you are changing topics a little.

Your final paragraph paragraph is good though. It's clear and to the point with a central idea.

I don't want to bombard you with things, but if you have time, you should look at these words in the paragraphs you posted. There are a few grammatical errors with them:

My writing skill don't
My reading skills is
Well prepare senior
Speak more professional

Good luck!

Answer 5

Here is a "revised" writing prompt of yours. I made some minor corrections here and there, nothing major but it does help. Also, take into consideration all the corrections that were made, so it can help you next time with your writing.
Good Luck and I hope this helped you some!
" The reason why I am not ready to be a senior is because I do not really know how to develop my own form of shorthand and speed writing. I feel as though my reading and writing skills are not at the twelfth grade level. I still need help on developing my people skills. I don't participate in class very often and some of the responsibilities of being a senior is to be required to think a lot. I still have time to be prepare myself so I can become a much more successful senior.
If I want to be become a better senior for the next school year, I have to start participating more in my classes. I have to act more like a young adult by speaking more professional. I need to improve my writing skills and expand my vocabulary. I have to finish strong in my junior year so I can prepare myself for next year. I want to make sure I have all the skills I need to have a successful senior year. "

Answer 6

thanks

Answer 7

You're welcome.