Question

please help edit this paragraph

Answer 1

It was The Morning of a December day of 2010. Sitting in a large room with myself. I'm at the hospital waiting for what to happen next. Couple hours ago, I was diagnosed with this ”illness”. Here I go. The biggest moment of my life was the time I was diagnosed with Scoliosis.

Answer 2

@Isabella_Kapadia

Answer 3

@love_jessika15 @BulletWithButterflyWings @amorfide

Answer 4

How do you want it edited? Do you want us to completely edit it, or use the broken up sentences.

Answer 5

To start out, think of the errors in capitalization in the first sentence.

Answer 6

like completely u can add stuff blah blah but the thesis has to be the bgest moment of my life ....

Answer 7

capitalization okay i can fix that it was typing mistake

Answer 8

The second sentence is a fragment. Combine it with one of the other sentences.

Answer 9

im not good at writing please show me thanks

Answer 10

Just add "I was" to the beginning of it, and correct the capitalization and punctuation.

Answer 11

It was the morning of a December day of 2010. Sitting in a large room with myself. I'm at the hospital waiting for what to happen next. I see about 5 -8 doctors calling out for me. I'm just sitting there idle staring into space. Couple hours ago, I was diagnosed with this ”illness”. Here I go. The biggest moment of my life was the time I was diagnosed with Scoliosis.

Answer 12

@nincompoop

Answer 13

@help123please.

Answer 14

@LazyBoy

Answer 15

@Ashleyisakitty

Answer 16

this is the pargraph
t was the morning of a December day of 2010. Sitting in a large room with myself. I'm at the hospital waiting for what to happen next. I see about 5 -8 doctors calling out for me. I'm just sitting there idle staring into space. Couple hours ago, I was diagnosed with this ”illness”. Here I go. The biggest moment of my life was the time I was diagnosed with Scoliosis.

Answer 17

@Zale101

Answer 18

Its a really poorly written paragraph... do you need grammatical help, punctuation help, or just a complete revision?

Answer 19

complete revision

Answer 20

would be the best

Answer 21

I agree with @Ashleyisakitty

Answer 22

yeah i reeeeeealy need help

Answer 23

"Sitting in a large room with myself." Needs to be revised, it's a fragment

Answer 24

help idk how to fix it

Answer 25

Okay -- this is my take at rewriting it.

"It was a cold and dull December morning, 2010. I was anxiously sitting in a large, empty room in the hospital by myself. Earlier that day I had learned I was diagnosed with a certain illness, Scoliosis. Little did I know that would be the biggest day of my life."

Answer 26

thats just a rough draft you can work off of.

Answer 27

I really like ur paragraph but idk where My thesis sentence has to be it is:the biggest moment of my life has been...

Answer 28

Oh, i see.

"It was a cold and dull December morning, 2010. I was anxiously sitting in a large, empty room in the hospital by myself. Earlier that day I had learned I was diagnosed with a certain illness. After thinking to myself I had quickly realized the biggest day of my life would be that day, after I had been diagnosed with Scoliosis."

Is that specific enough? Or does the teacher REQUIRE the thesis statement to be word for word?

Answer 29

teacher wants it word for word

Answer 30

sorry

Answer 31

It’s the morning of a December day of 2010, and I’m sitting in a large room by myself. I'm at the hospital waiting for what will happen next. I see about five to eight doctors calling out for me. I'm just sitting there idle staring into space. A couple hours of ago, I was diagnosed with this "illness”. Here I go. The biggest moment of my life was the time I was diagnosed with Scoliosis.

Answer 32

The past and present tense were mixed up, as well.

Answer 33

is it fixed

Answer 34

It’s the morning of a December day of 2010, and I’m sitting in a large room by myself. I'm at the hospital waiting for what will happen next. I see about five to eight doctors calling out for me and I was just sitting there idle staring into space. A couple hours of ago, I was diagnosed with this "illness”. Here I go. The biggest moment of my life was the time I was diagnosed with Scoliosis.