In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.

Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. There are many things to do at the beach. It is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. More people should take time to visit their local beaches.

Question

In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar.

Learning to swim is one of my happiest childhood memories. The beach offers more than a place to develop strong swimming skills. There are many things to do at the beach. It is unfortunate that so many people spend every day indoors. More people should take time to visit their local beaches.

anonymous · Answer

I am glad I learned to swim at the beach. (5 points)

anonymous · Answer

"The beach offers more than a place to..." <-- this part doesnt work. You may want to change it to something like "The beach is more than a place to..." and if you are allowed to change it more, add examples of what else you can do there.

anonymous · Answer

@DannyRomero19

anonymous · Answer

you can write about why the beach is a good place to develop swim skills and talk about other thing you can do at the beach and also why people should visit local beaches and make sure who you are writing to knows that your talking about learning to swim and not forget what the main part of the paragraph is about!

anonymous · Answer

I just don't know how to rewrite it... I'm bad at that.

anonymous · Answer

@DannyRomero19  @annaleafe

anonymous · Answer

help?