Question

Help correct my paragraph? ^-^

Answer 1

~ The Day I Rode My Very First Bicycle ~

It was a pink, one of a kind, Disney Princess bike. I remember the day I got it as a present from my parents, boy was I happy! I was excited to ride it, at first, but then I got pretty scared. In the beginning I kept falling, getting my knees and elbows scratched, but I kept getting up and trying again. After a few days I got a hang of it, and then...I finally rode my bicycle! In exchange to all the scratches and bruises I got, I received the feeling of pride, and the excitement of exploring! ~Learning something new can be quite hard at first, not to mention scary, but you should never give up, because at the end it's worth it!

Answer 2

*I got the hang of it

Answer 3

@music101 didn't see that XD

Answer 4

you can say *quite difficult at first

Answer 5

and maybe a better word for scary?

Answer 6

@music101 terrifying? :)

Answer 7

sure

Answer 8

I see that you have a lot of simple sentences, and a few extraneous commas

Answer 9

@music101 yes I do T^T I need help loosing some of them, but the thing is I have to make the paragraph 3 - 5 sentences, no more no less >.>

Answer 10

also : I was excited to ride it, at first, but .......
- I don't think the comma after "ride it" is necessary

Answer 11

& yea it's pretty weak, but I guess its ok. what English are u taking?

Answer 12

?

Answer 13

@music101 english 2 ^-^

Answer 14

what does that mean..

Answer 15

@music101 it's an flvs course ^-^

Answer 16

@music101 how about this: ~ The Day I Rode My Very First Bicycle ~

It was a pink, one of a kind, Disney Princess bike. I remember the day I got it as a present from my parents, boy was I happy! I was excited to ride it at first, but then I got pretty terrified. In the beginning I kept falling, getting my knees and elbows scratched, but I kept getting up and trying again. After a few days I got the hang of it, and I finally rode my bicycle! In exchange to all the scratches and bruises I got, I received the feeling of pride, and the excitement of exploring! ~Learning something new can be quite difficult at first, not to mention terrifying, but you should never give up, because at the end it's worth it!

Answer 17

there should be a word or something b4 terrifying but otherwise its ok I think

Answer 18

@music101 in the second sentence or last? :P

Answer 19

last

Answer 20

@music101 should I put quite terrifying? :3 or a word that would go with it?

Answer 21

no its like.. like a certain type of word (f.e like adj, noun...) but idk

Answer 22

maybe u can say : ".. not to mention the terrifying feeling" or something like that

Answer 23

is that it?

Answer 24

@music101 okay ^O^ would that be all? :3

Answer 25

I guess so

Answer 26

@music101 thanks for the help ^O^

Answer 27

np. how abt a medal?

Answer 28

@music101 already done XD

Answer 29

:p

Answer 30

@music101 thanks again for ur help ^O^

Answer 31

np. I hope u get a pretty good grade on that

Answer 32

@music101 I hope so too XD