Question

PLEASE HELP REVISE tHIS SHORT SHORT STORY

Answer 1

“Dr. Mason , you have a patient waiting” said the assistant.
“Send him in” asserted Dr. Mason.
Tom, the patient walks in with a wide grin on his face. Dr. Mason gave a weird first glance at Tom. Without further ado Dr. Mason stated” Welcome, Tom how are you?” May I help you Tom?”
Tom replied “ Doc. thanks for asking,I'm very delightful but on the other hand i had an extraordinary days.
Dr. Mason was compelled to say” What happened do tell mister tell?

“Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking.
As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely. Tom continue to explain. He goes on saying ‘Dr. I had to endure a lot” I saw that my brother Jason as demon, pushed me into a well like whole underground. And I was sent/fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets and such a person can't afford. Right then I woke up. I had realized I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar.
His majesty sent me to fight the enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, smelly etc. It was impossible to fight it. He was ready to devour me . But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he’ll grant me 1 wish only. So as a wise man would do , I wished to return back into my normal world. Finally i had found my self back into my room laying on the bed texting my friends.”
Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this.

Answer 2

@Ashleyisakitty @Compassionate @ganeshie8 @Mr.ClayLordMath @thomaster

Answer 3

hlp

Answer 4

I'll read it in a minute. Busy right now.

Answer 5

kk

Answer 6

Okay, so in your first long paragraph, "Tom continue to explain" put "Tom continues.." that's the first grammar mistake. Instead of saying "sent/fell" just put fell since you're going down a well. "But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie" in this sentence, you need to capitalize the "I" and take out the "until" it's not necessary. That's all I see

Answer 7

>I'm very delightful

Singular.

You mean, "I am." - To be.

>I am very delightful (ful?)

>I am very delighted (Now that's more like it)
-------------------------------------------------

> thanks for asking,I'm very delightful but on the other hand i had an extraordinary days.

Thank (you) for asking, I (am) very delight(ed), (However), on the other hand, I had an extraordinary DAY(Not days).
-------------------------------------------------

I could go on, but I have to go.

Answer 8

Oh, I didn't even see that

Answer 9

>Dr. Mason was compelled to say” What happened do tell mister tell?


Compelled, Doctor mason replied, "What happened; do tell! Mister, tell?"

Answer 10

fixed it compassionate

Answer 11

what are you tying compassionate?

Answer 12

>“Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking.
As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely.

>"Okay(are we have?), Doc., (add a coma) when I go to bed everyday(you go to bed in the day? Lol.), I(capitalize) start to go to (to go to? Where are we going? I hope it's a theme park!) "dream mode" (You just used quotations inside of quotations) everyday(once again, we already know this happened "every day" why restate it?). And (Why are you starting sentences with "and".) thats(you mean that's?) not the weird part."

After dreaming(add a COMMA!) I started sleepwalking. As(Why as? Why not just Tom) goes goes on Dr. Mason (OH no! Why is Tom ON Dr. Mason! I hope he's okay!) scrutinizes the story closely (He must know the story personally! LOL)

----------------------------------------------------------
Now, I'll fix your mistakes.

Original Text
> >“Okay, so Doc. when I go to bed everyday, i start to go to “dream mode” everyday. And thats not the weird part.” After dreaming i start sleepwalking.
As Tom goes on Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story closely.


Re-written
>>"Alright, Doc., when I sleep each night, I go into 'dream-mode.' That's not the weird part. After dreaming I start sleepwalking." Tom goes on, Dr. Mason scrutinizes the story.

I love it when you said
>After dreaming I start sleepwalking

As if you were implying you were aware you were sleepwalking, or conscious, and remembered your dreams. But, hey, it's your story.

Answer 13

I can pick apart your story more. You gave me the job to ruin your dreams.

Answer 14

i jst need to be more gramaatically corect and stuff

Answer 15

I'm trying to show you where you made your mistakes so you don't make them again.

Answer 16

ur helping me improve my writing skills thanks

Answer 17

>. Tom continue to explain. He goes on saying ‘Dr. I had to endure a lot” I saw that my brother Jason as demon, pushed me into a well like whole underground. And I was sent/fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets and such a person can't afford. Right then I woke up. I had realized I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar.
His majesty sent me to fight the enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, smelly etc. It was impossible to fight it. He was ready to devour me . But luckily, I ran away when until i came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he’ll grant me 1 wish only. So as a wise man would do , I wished to return back into my normal world. Finally i had found my self back into my room laying on the bed texting my friends.”
Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this.

CAPITAL words are CORRECTIONS

Tom CONTINUED to explain. he goes on saying, "Dr., I had to endure a lot." I saw that my brother Jason WAS a demon. HE pushed me into a HOLE underground. I fell into a place adorned with chandeliers, red carpets, and BEAUTIES NO PERSON COULD AFFORD. Right then, I woke up. I had realize I was sent to the emperor. His name was Akhbar. His majesty sent me to fight AN enemy dragon. I was speechless. It was enormous, ugly, AND smelly. It was impossible to fight. He was ready to devour me. But luckily, I ran away until I came across a lamp that had a genie. A genie popped up and said he'll grant me ONE wish. So, as a wise man would do, I wished to return back to my world. Finally, I had found myself INSIDE my room, laying on the bed texting my friends."

Dr. Mason was astonished to hear this.

Answer 18

is that no more editing?

Answer 19

I edited all your story. Piece it together.

Are you American?

Answer 20

yes why?

Answer 21

how about u?