Question

How can i make this more descriptive?

Answer 1

With evil thoughts in his head, Grendel, evil in its most abstract form, smashes his way into the mead hall in hopes of destruction and death.

Grendel came out from the misty and dank swamps to bear 'God's hatred' amongst those in the Herot. He moved joyfully and quickly through the cold and cloudy night, moving silently from his swamplands towards the hall. Seeing as he had visited the area before, he knew where he was going, but he had never gone at night.

As soon as he arrived he smashed through the door. The iron bars were no match to his blunt strength. He rushed into the threshold of the building, confidently strutting and snarling. His eyes were glowing with hatred.

He stopped when he came to the resting hall, filled with young soldiers and old warriors sleeping soundly. As his eyes wandered over each one of them his heart filled with joyous rage. He laughed on the inside as he imagined himself later ripping the life out of their bodies.

As the sun was rising, Grendel's mind was stirring with the thought of food and the idea of eating the soldiers he saw resting. He knew that when he was soon going to rip the young soldiers open and gnaw on their bones.

He had exposed himself openly to the soldiers. He confidently strutted amongst them as their helpless eyes lay upon him. With one swift and strong grasp he trapped the first Geat, ripped his body apart with only his jaws. He quickly drinks the blood from his veins and threw him down as quickly as he seemed to pick him up. When his teeth clamped together he also snapped the life shut.

Grendel had managed to grab another solider, before Beowulf had seized the monster itself. Grendel was clouded with misjudgment as he realized that it was truly Beowulf there. He knew he could not defeat him for as he was the guardian of crime.

Grendel's first thought was to retreat back to his swamplands and hide from Beowulf, but freeing himself from Beowulfs talons was no easy battle. Beowulfs tighten his grip on Grendel as the killer struggled. He had known he had been tripped, he felt ashamed at his miserable attempt.

The soldiers and warriors arose from their beds and were sprawling with life. The unsheathed their swords even though they knew not their swords, or the finest and hardest iron swords could scratch the monsters skin.

Under Beowulf's grip, the monster squirmed in pain. He had accepted the idea of his death when he had suddenly been granted a new fate. Beowulf had loosen his grip and Grendel escaped as quickly as he could. He was injured but alive.

His hate grew stronger.

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

Os is lagging so bad, Sorry. But I just wrote a descriptive essay. This sounds more like a story.

Answer 4

Yeah i know, its supposed to be a descriptive essay over a scene from Beowulf but i didnt really know to do it :/

Answer 5

You did a great job on being descriptive, i literally don't know what to add. Sorry i couldn't be of any help.

Answer 6

lol, its okay! thanks anway. im gonna try to rewrite it and be a bit more descriptive and then post it back and you can tell me what you think of it?

Answer 7

Sure :)

Answer 8

I remember doing Beowulf in the beginning of the semester.
Let's start by fixing a few mistakes in your writing..
With evil thoughts in his head, Grendel, evil in its most abstract form, smashes his way into the mead hall in hopes of destruction and death.

You use its, and his.. you should only use one or the other to describe something so just change it to..I'll also add a bit more description., you also use different tenses in the paragraphs. It is very important to keep one tense throughout a paper... so change your present tenses to past.

With thoughts of chaotic destruction in his head , Grendel, smashed his way into the mead hall with hopes of bringing about carnage and death.
The abstract form part seemed a bit redundant from my point of view and should have been added before you mentioned his name.. also parallelism with the first part of the sentence.

Answer 9

With atrocious and wicked ideas in his head, Grendel, evil in its most abstract from, smashes his way into the dark mead hall with the vision of monstrous deaths danced through his mind.

Grendel had came from the misty and dank swamps to bear Gods hatred amongst those currently staying in the Herot. He moved joyfully and swiftly throughout the cold and cloudy night, moving noiselessly from his swamplands towards the sleeping hall. He had traveled the route before, but never at such a late hour.

As soon as he stepped into arms length of the Herot he smashed his way through the doors. The Iron Bars were comparable to toothpicks against his blunt strength. He pressed into the threshold of the building, confidently strutting and snarling. His eyes were flaming with haters.

As the sun started to make its way up beyond the horizon, Grendel's mind was stirring at a million miles per hour with the thought of food and the idea of eating the resting soldiers. He could barely control himself with the anticipation of the ripping the young soldiers open and gnawing on their fragile bones.

He had openly exposed himself to the the sleeping grounds, walking confidently amongst them as their eyes lay helplessly upon him. With one abrupt swing he grasped strongly onto the first Geat, easily clawing apart his body. He quickly drank the blood of the man as if though he had not drunk in days and with his clamping teeth he had also snapped the man's life shut.

Grendel was able to grab another helpless soldier before Beowulf has seized the monster itself. Grendels mind was clouded with misjudgment until he soon realized that it was Beowulf who had latched onto his body. He knew he was no match compared to Beowulfs strength.

With his mind racing, his first thought was to retreat back into the swamplands and hide from Beowulf but he soon realized freeing himself from Beowulf's talons was no easy battle. He felt the air being squeezed out of him as Beowulf tightened his grip as the killer gasped for air and struggled for his own life.

The soldiers quickly sprang from their life, eyes fiery with excitement. The unsheathed their swords even though the knew not their swords, or the finest and hardest iron swords could not make one indention into the monsters scaly skin.

Under Beowulfs grip, the monster squirmed in pain. By this point he had accepted the idea of death when he suddenly he had been granted a new fate. Beowulf has loosened his grump on the monster and let him run free. He was wounded but alive. His hate grew stronger.

Answer 10

I honestly dont know what else you could add on this. Sorry, i think you did a great job on this thought :) goodluck!