Question

I wanted to know if anyone could rate my writing...

Answer 1

So I wrote a steamy sex scene.

Answer 2

I want to know if anyone would be willing to see it and rate my writing.

Answer 3

It's only PG-13.

Answer 4

I'll read it

Answer 5

i will too

Answer 6

ok i will read it......

Answer 7

Okay, I'll PM it to you guys, sorry for the late reply.

Answer 8

Or actually, I'll just put it here. Remember that this is the 1st persons view of a girl.

I sighed at Dorothy and someone touched my shoulder. I spun around to see who it was. Joseph. Just who I wanted to see.
“Hi.” I said, looking down.
Joseph put a finger on my chin and raised my head. “I want to show you something…” he whispered.
Joseph led me to his Ford-150. We sat down awkwardly for about three minutes when I finally asked, “Yes?”
He hesitated for a second and finally said, “I love you.”
I looked up at him. I didn’t know what to say. I love him…too, but I couldn’t say it. And then I felt a warm tear fall down my right cheek.
And I remembered my wish. My wish to lose my virginity to this man I love, on this special day of my life. And I think…I think right now was the moment.
He grabbed my cheeks with his two hands and he pulled my head near his until out lips touched and we kissed. The kiss was long and…juicy. I wanted him to kiss me again…and again and again. I wanted the sensation I felt to last all night.
He started to take off his jacket and then his shirt. It was evident that he was starting sex. I felt my pulse rise and then I started to fickle. What do I do now? He leaned over to kiss me again and this time he put his hands under my dress and caressed my thigh. I let out a quick and loud gasp. He stopped.
“Is something…wrong?” he asked, with a serious face.
“No…uh, protection?” I asked, sounding baffled.
“Yeah.” He said and smiled. He took out a condom from his glove compartment.
I smiled awkwardly. I started to take out my dress, which was very uncomfortable doing inside a truck.
“Do you wanna use the back instead?” he asked, considerately.
“I think so.”
We were in the back seat and we were both finally completely undressed. I was hoping he wouldn’t mind the wee bit of pubic hair that I had. But he had some too, and for some reason it looked better on him.
He was glaring at me boldly when he finally leaned down and kissed me. He caressed my side, and his hand began to raise. I was about to push his hand off, but the feeling of pleasure seemed to take over and I didn’t. He raised his hand up to my breasts and touched my light brown nipples. Bliss arouse throughout my body. We finally started to have the extraordinary sex I was hoping for.

Answer 9

@tvartheman ;))

Answer 10

I'm not sure a scene like that is PG-13, but sure, I'll critique your writing.

Beware - Constructive Criticism.

So, your sentences are... boring, and very vague. Not too much description. I want to be attached to the writing, and care for your writing, and to be honest, I wasn't. Your sentences were choppy and it seems like they were there to just... be there. Your inability to space out sentences into paragraphs were very frustrating, so I actually had to force myself to read the story, and I didn't even read the entire darn thing.

I'm a middle-schooler and I love to write. But I advise you to add more emotion and description into your writing. Read more and study how the authors structure their sentences and how they add emotion and description to actually draw you into their book/story.

Good luck!

c;

Answer 11

So how do I make it less vauge and boring and make it more interesting?

Answer 12

Add bits and pieces of information and description that engages readers. Describe the way his breath felt against the flesh of her neck.

Don't TELL us that they walked to the car, SHOW us. SHOW us how they strutted out of the building ( wherever they are ) and how the sunset or how empty ( or busy ) the street was, and the quality of the car. Add some internal thoughts from the girl's POV.

^u^

Answer 13

I agree with @Momo_ I mean I'm not a middle schooler and tho my experience with this stuff wasn't the best i could still describe it in depth to make it sound a whole lot better than it was. You need to paint a picture in someones head. Think about what they looked like. Was it cold outside? Did the back of the truck feel cold or just warm enough to the touch? If you are giving it from a girls point of view, u really need a girls point of view. It isn't PG-13 but that's not a bad thing. You have the right idea and don't be afraid to add more and get in depth with it because it has the potential to be really good. Once you get the right mind set you will get it! :)

Answer 14

Would you like me to provide you with a small sample of my writing ( on the same subject )?

Answer 15

u should! @Momo_

Answer 16

Yes, please @momo_ Thanks.

Answer 17

Okay, I will in just a moment. I have to write something. And do homework real quick.