Question

I have to write a war story. Read what I have wrote so far and help me improve it.

Answer 1

The boy was lying in the same ditch where Adam made love to Eve for the first time. One meter to his left, the poor high school teacher, wingspan Elliot was awaiting his death sentence. The sniper bullet had viciously shattered his teeth and penetrated through his throat. How he was still alive was a mystery for his companion. The scene overwhelmed the boy. Blood was gushing out like a newly erupted volcano. The small bits of ice, soaked in Derby’s thick blood and mixed with small pieces of his flesh, were shining lustrously like stars in the red sky of Texas evening. Clocks ticked carelessly and time flew like Neil’s river as Derby’s origins became just as remote as his destiny. They caged their eyes and watched dim shore fall slowly. After his heart stopped pumping and there was no more blood left in his body, Elliot was finally dead. Urine darkened the boy’s trousers. A platoon of soldiers marched toward the boy. They were from distant lands and their speech harsh and queer, like the screaming of apes. They kicked and punched until they were interrupted by an even more raucous voice. The man was dressed like an Austrian prince, medals hanging like wind chimes to his chest. The scanty appearance of the boy and his darkened trousers made the general laugh. Indeed his appearance was funny. The boy did not carry any weapons. He had lost his helmet and his thorn off boots were more like beach sandals. Perhaps the only sign that made the boy the property of US army was the badge on his right shoulder. The general too roared bitterly.
“Ihn auf seinen Füßen” he grunted.
Surprisingly the boy was neither scared nor nervous. The whole time he only stared in the face of a young German solider. His face was untouched by the brutality of war. His face was as miraculous as a shooting star and as holy as the Bible. The young German, standing exactly in the middle of a human massacre -- where saints were pierced by bullets, air gloomed by the smell of burning human flesh, and rivers of blood flowed in each and every street, was as innocent as a baby crawling through a minefield, as naïve as a nun. He was the only sign of righteousness in a middle of place where the boarder of life and death did not exist, where every soul had to wrestle with his own crumbling sanity, a place with no crows, where iniquity had taken over human hearts, and hope and faith were only illusions; humanity at its lowest form.
“If you are not his prophet, then God doesn’t exist.”

Answer 2

That's amazing......... I don't think it needs improving at all......If I were your teacher i'd give that infinity % O_O

Answer 3

OOHHHHH that was great, I love it!

Answer 4

I really dont' think I could add to that nor improve it. It's already as good as it could get :D