Question

I would like a critique of this writing I did, I would like an opinion from some of you literary experts :) http://seanlevan.tumblr.com/

Answer 1

@beccaboo333

Answer 2

Kewlz. I like it. Not much more to say to it.

Answer 3

Should be Peter Griffin.

Answer 4

couldn't get past the first 2 words.

Answer 5

haha @primeralph... Family guy?

Answer 6

Yeah, that'll make it catchy.

Answer 7

Lol but it ruins the meaning. The writing I wrote is supposed to be about a person with loads of ego, thinks he is adroit in everything and in the end actually leads a life which is inane.

Answer 8

He thinks he is a perfect altruist.

Answer 9

Of course I understand. I'll be honest, I haven't read the story yet, but I'll get to it once I can.
Your choice of character is fine so far it flows. I was simply making a pun.

Answer 10

Yeah, thats funny! :D

Answer 11

Paragraph 2.
I can already say you're trying too hard with words.

Answer 12

You're really trying too hard.

Answer 13

I read the story; I get the story.
But I don't get the point. Feel free to state; and I'll argue.

Answer 14

The first sentence is a whole paragraph. I think someone needs to confiscate your thesaurus.

Answer 15

Dude, please, I'm using a literary style. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vignette_(literature) @Confusionist

Answer 16

You don't like the vocabulary? I thought it was descriptive :|

Answer 17

I know what you're trying to do. You asked for critique and we gave it to you. The vocabulary was alright, it was just so obvious that you were trying hard. We don't need a huge run-on sentence to open it up for us no matter what style you're doing.

Answer 18

Thanks for your criticism :)
"Trying hard?" You mean that it sounded forced?
You mean that it's vocabulary is too advanced, it seems contrived and show-offish?

I was merely attempting a shot at this genre http://ww1.fwisd.org/aail/Documents/Salvador%20Late%20or%20Early%20-%20Reading.pdf .

The style was inspired from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bend_Sinister_(novel) from the Russian write Vladimir Nabokov.

Answer 19

*Meant to say trying too hard. Yeah, it sounds pretty forced. It reminds me of the time I went to a poetry reading and a ten year old boy decided to 'show off' by using a word with more than 10 letters in each sentence.
And I've read bits and pieces of that. You just need to use the style in more modesty I think. :)

Answer 20

Alright, thank you for your harsh criticism.

The words in the first paragraph were not that long (or difficult, I needed no thesaurus, though it depends on the person) and in the 2nd and third; it was to provide a silhouette into his mind, a tediously proud and vocabulary-flaunting mind.

Answer 21

Though I will take the 10 year-old bit in mind next time :) I do agree it could have been done a little less, it could have been exaggerated.

Answer 22

@dumbsearch2 Nobody's being harsh on you. Trust me, that's what it seems like.
You wouldn't want me to lie to you would you? It's a criticism; I have to tell you exactly what I think.
I know a lot of grammar too; and I know when it becomes a pain for others to read.
But it's your work; if you're happy with it, it's all good.