Question

k so im horrible at essay writing and i have one due soonish annd i need opinion on what i have so far

Answer 1

this ish it

Answer 2

Okay, there are slight mistakes so far and things that could be make better. Don't worry, the mistakes are careless. I see that you don't exactly capitalize your I's. Which is a grammar mistake that may get points marked off for ya.
I must admit, I saw problems as soon as I read the first sentence. I've made suggestions. "Most people don't know, but a lot of people suffer from a certain thing that can be fairly easy to hide or will forever be omnipresent/obvious/easy to see. Many may be able to pick out one suffering perpetually from a mile away. This thing I speak of is depression. It affects a lot more people than one may think it, and it affects them badly. That girl that is always smiling in school might go home to cry herself to sleep because of depression that comes from an unknown cause or an obvious one." My suggestions aren't that good, but they're something. It's your choice if you want to use them.
Also, almost immediately ran into this sentence: "Most people you never see it unless you know them really well or they tell you, others have signs that they cover up hoping no one will ever see, honestly ashamed that they did it but had no other way to get it out of their system." I've altered it and corrected it.: "Most people never see it unless they know the person really well or that person tells them, others present signs. but they cover up. hoping no one will ever see, honestly ashamed that they did it but felt they had no other way to get it out of their system." You kind of got on and off of the who the subject is. Are you talking to someone, in which you say "you"? Or is it the general easy way, which is more like talking formally to yourself, using "they"? I think the latter is easiest but not elementary. It's easier to get off track when saying "you".

The next paragraph I have also altered too, for slight adjustment. You use what I call "text talk". Where you write like you're very comfortable and informal with the audience. For an essay, I believe formal is the right way to go. Like so: "The reason I can talk about this so easily, is because I've experienced it on a personal level, though I got help. It’s amongst my friends as well. It can get pretty serious, obviously, but it also might be just a slight problem. For people that find it a true hardship within their life, it is recommended to reach out for help. Whether from a friend, a parent, a counselor, any adult or friend you may trust, getting help is the better prevention from letting the problems get to far, which from my experience, I know they can."

Would you like me to continue with editing/suggesting?

Answer 3

sure thanks

Answer 4

and i just think that sayin you makes it connect to the reader more than they would

Answer 5

Okay its okay for you to use "you". Just as long as you always use "you" and don't change it, that can be confusing.