Question

Help me improv my essay :)

Answer 1

improve.. lol

Answer 2

The necessity of literacy.

In modern society, literacy is one of the most needed skills of all time. If you are an American citizen, it would be nearly impossible to function successfully without having the ability to read. We are brought up reading, and are actively told that reading is a healthy thing to do, because it is an absolute necessity.

Reading is the most common form of consuming and spreading information to other people, next to communicating through language. Without it you could easily feel lost, and confused. You need reading for education, entrainment, navigation purposes, and many other reasons.

Some people in Western society believe that literacy is a luxury as opposed to a necessity. Often people will consider things like food, water and language to be a necessity but often overlook having the ability to comprehend words on paper. Being literate is a necessity to life because without being literate you would not be able to expand your mind with new ideas. It is the basis of all education, as well as the basis of learning to express yourself.

To obtain a successful career, it is almost 100% needed to have the ability to read. People who do not have the skill of reading are often stuck with very simple manual or physical labor jobs for most of their life.

It is vital to teach young children how to read. When a child is young, they retain easier much more easily than a grown person would during the process of learning language and literacy. You are able to both give the child the gift of literacy, but you are also capable of teaching the child to love reading, and love the idea of expressing himself through reading and writing.

Recent studies say that up to 84% of Earth's population is literate, though that may seem like a great rating, that leaves up to 775 million people who are not capable of reading or writing. I find this to be a tragically high number.

In conclusion, reading is one of the most vital skills of today. Without it you are almost incapable of moving up in the world at the normal rate and without it, it highly affect how much you can truly know.

Answer 3

What was the direct prompt? Just to give me an idea for the kind of thing they were looking for and where to focus. :) *And it seems a bit choppy, as if some of the conclusions you could have found yourself and evolved on the paper with the reader. Does that make sense?

Answer 4

The prompt was to write expository essay. I dont fully understand what you mean, though i do agree there are some blunt sentences.

Answer 5

Ah, okay. And I'll try to be a bit more clear. Since it's an expository essay, ignore what I said above. That wasn't a well put together thought...

What I'm saying is, in an expository essay you present information without opinion. Hence why you may want to consider editing some of the information. You said "I find this to be a tragically high number'. Of course I agree with that, but you have to imply it in the essay rather than stating your opinion.

Answer 6

That makes sense, i'll do that -- thank you!

Answer 7

No problem. :) Do you mind if I keep rambling about my thoughts on it here? It's a great essay, therefore it's pretty fun to have the privilege of jotting down my thoughts on it. :)

Answer 8

Sure thing!

Answer 9

Well damn. :c I just wrote a bunch and then clicked another question, so I lost all I'd written. What a shame.

I'll rewrite it, I suppose.

I was mainly focusing on this paragraph when I looked through it.

Reading is the most common form of consuming and spreading information to other people, next to communicating through language. Without it you could easily feel lost, and confused. You need reading for education, entrainment, navigation purposes, and many other reasons."

Reading is language. What do you mean by 'next to language'? Maybe you should rewrite that as oral language.

Keep in mind that language is human nature. You don't teach a child to speak. You may nitpick, correct, and sculpt, but for the most part they do it on their own. Hence why we don't have a 'oral language rate'. We just have the assumption that most humans (except those with extreme biological issues) can talk at least one of the over 7000 languages. Over half of the 7000 languages we have on earth aren't written. Think of all that information that can't be distributed! Think of all the ideals and geniuses we may not know exist! To me, that's the beauty of written language.

Answer 10

In modern society, literacy is one of the most needed skills of all time. If you are an American citizen, it would be nearly impossible to function successfully without having the ability to read. We are brought up reading, and are actively told that reading is a healthy thing to do, because it is an absolute necessity.

There's the first paragraph you wrote. Something about 'if you are an American citizen' strikes me the wrong way, but very well may be because of my close relationship with a bunch of non-American citizens that are technically excluded by this paragraph. I guess it's right, though.

This is a great intro paragraph, though. The only thing that seems weird to me is the fact that you said "In modern society....In all time'. That's pretty oxymoronic. You've limited that sentence to 'modern society' then you say it's relevant to 'all of time'?

Answer 11

Hereeeee's paragraph 3!

Some people in Western society believe that literacy is a luxury as opposed to a necessity. Often people will consider things like food, water and language to be a necessity but often overlook having the ability to comprehend words on paper. Being literate is a necessity to life because without being literate you would not be able to expand your mind with new ideas. It is the basis of all education, as well as the basis of learning to express yourself.

Expository essays are supposed to be fully fact, not opinion. This whole paragraph is based off of your opinion, but I think you can slide by with it if you go ahead and cite some sources. It seems like repetition off of a well known theme and a reminder to society of the importance of literacy, which I like. Is this sentence true, though? :

"...without being literate you would not be able to expand your mind with new ideas."

Even if I couldn't read or write, I could still be able to understand the language I just wouldn't transcribe it with pen and paper. I don't see the trouble with that, I can still expand ideas through it.

Let's bring back what I said before about how over 7000 languages exist and over half of them do not have a written form. Your sentence implies that allllll of these people do not have the ability to expand their ideas and mind. Be careful with that.

Answer 12

Paragraph 4 &5!

4:
To obtain a successful career, it is almost 100% needed to have the ability to read. People who do not have the skill of reading are often stuck with very simple manual or physical labor jobs for most of their life.

Completely agree, just keep in mind that this is, yet again, opinion, You needdd to find the information and cite it.

5:
It is vital to teach young children how to read. When a child is young, they retain easier much more easily than a grown person would during the process of learning language and literacy. You are able to both give the child the gift of literacy, but you are also capable of teaching the child to love reading, and love the idea of expressing himself through reading and writing.

Niceee! Again, this is opinion. I completely love this paragraph. Keep in mind that you're flowing into psychology in this paragraph.

Answer 13

Last two paragraphs:

Recent studies say that up to 84% of Earth's population is literate, though that may seem like a great rating, that leaves up to 775 million people who are not capable of reading or writing. I find this to be a tragically high number.

YESSS! STUDIES AND DATA! It's awesome to see some data finally being used. I assume you've cited your sources? :) I already addressed the personal opinion bit in this one. Maybe this paragraph could have gone earlier? It kind of adds an extra zing if you have to come to conclusions about literacy while you have this information.

In conclusion, reading is one of the most vital skills of today. Without it you are almost incapable of moving up in the world at the normal rate and without it, it highly affect how much you can truly know.

I'm not a fan of ending a conclusion paragraph with the words 'in conclusion'. You should have this polished and represent itself as a conclusion. What is the 'normal rate' of moving up in the world? Why not change that to 'average'? And why did you write how much you can '*truly* know'? What's the difference between knowing something and TRULY knowing it? Seems redundant to me. And the last sentence is awkward in it's construction. I assume you're going to rewrite it?

Answer 14

That was fun. :) Thanks for letting me do that! I really ripped it apart, though. :c It's a really nice essay, I'm just terribly picky. Thanks again!

Answer 15

No thank you! That was very helpful :)

Answer 16

Did you try asking in writing too for help on improving it?