Question

tell what you think i finished the poem

its called just say goodbye

Answer 1

I watch as my destiny hangs in the balance I’m letting go of all ive ever known . I watch you take your final steps toward the man you want to be and I notice that this time the mans not the man I loved. You watch as I tell you how I feel when im screaming and tears of blood flow down my face. You tell me its all my fault . you tell it’s the principle of how I said how you do it. But while your out there with your mistress im at home waiting for you bleeding out my heart through my wrist. You watch with her and you smile while our love fades away. I cant explain how I felt when you took my hand and ask me to marry you. But you let the world take our secret love away. You say forgive me , I love you but today is the day I learn to say good bye and walk away.

Answer 2

I guess I'd understand it more if it was in stanza form. It doesn't exactly sound like a poem, as it does a memoir. But the story line is nice and your word choice will do. Go for better vocabulary though. The first line so isn't my cup of tea, haha.

Answer 3

(In my opinion) it would sound better like:
I gaze on, my destiny hanging in the balance. I'm letting go of all I've ever known. You take your final steps towards the man you want to be. I notice this time that he's not the man I loved. You stare at me as I scream my feelings, tears of blood streaming down my face. You say it's all my fault. That it's the principle of what I said on how you do it. While your out with your mistress, I sit at home my heart bleeding through my slit wrists. You smile as she laughs. Our love is slowly fading away... to nothing. When I took your hand, when you asked me to marry you - inexplicable joy pulsed through my heart. Love swirled about the summer air. But all too soon you let this jaded world whisk away our sacred loved. You beg for forgiveness. You plead for another chance. I will always love you. But today is the day I learn to walk away. For the first time in my life I learn to say goodbye. Goodbye, love.

Answer 4

Good subject matter and a plausible start, but it was poorly executed. The imagery was pretty good, though. So keep writing! You can only get better!