How can this poem be better?
Comments please.

Question

How can this poem be better?
Comments please.

vampirediaries · Answer

The shadows whisper to the moon
Take away the glee of the morning light
The shadows whisper to the stars
They will wipe the stars of their light.

The mist of the ground will wrap around your ankle
Take you down with their rotten touch
Destroying your youthful skin 
In which they will tear apart.

The rebirth is forbidden
For which the shadows and mist will flicker the last trace of delicate lives.
The dark haunting faces have been revealed in the sun’s brotherly rays

anonymous · Answer

This maybe?

The shadows whisper to the moon 
Take away the glee of the morning that is so bright.
The shadows whisper to the stars 
They will wipe the stars of their light.

The mist of the ground will wrap around your ankle
 Take you down with their rotten touch
 Destroying your youthful skin
In which they will tear apart.

The rebirth is forbidden
For which the shadows and mist flicker the last trace of the delicate lives.
 The dark haunting faces have been revealed when the sun’s brotherly rays shine down on all that's left.

anonymous · Answer

Destroying you skin that is oh so youthful. ***

vampirediaries · Answer

I like what you wrote

anonymous · Answer

Thanks (:

vampirediaries · Answer

What do you think should be the ending to this?

There’s a balance in the world between the light and darkness, ____________

anonymous · Answer

There's a balance in the world, between light and darkness for all we know, there may be no brightness. 


Sorry i didnt get back to you last night.