Question

Can I please get honest opinions?

Answer 1

@jigglypuff314 @Princezz @♪Chibiterasu
@charlotte123 @iambatman @kewlgeek555

Answer 2

Aw was this for me :')

Answer 3

haha You knew it <3

Answer 4

Ooh, really nice timaa. ^^

It's not too complicated but simple enough to understand. Really nice. c:

"I’ve remember you."

Just a small mistake I noticed. ._.

Answer 5

Haha, I'd say its fine, but I don't know much about poems

Answer 6

thank you for pointing that out @chibi : remembered you.[:
thanks @batman

Answer 7

should I add something or take away something that doesn't seem to fit in?

Answer 8

I know when someonelse reads it, is different than when I do. So I wanna make surec;

Answer 9

my star thing is not working lol --- i ment sounds different---

Answer 10

"With a word, reassure me about you
Feel what’s inside of me
I swear I’ve missed your eyes"

I feel like this part doesn't make much sense, and it could be revised. ;-;

Answer 11

should should i take out I swear I missed your eyes?

With a word, at least,
reassure me about you.
Feel what’s inside of me
I've missed you.

How about now? or still ?

Answer 12

That sounds a little better. :3

I hope the Poetry Slam thing goes out well. ^^

Answer 13

Thankyou <3 I need to improve it as much as I can. and you're helping greatly c=

Answer 14

You're welcome. ;-;

Answer 15

why you're crying D:

Answer 16

Because randomness. :3

Answer 17

With a word, reassure me about you
Feel what’s inside of me
I swear I’ve missed your eyes

This seems a bit awkward to me.

Answer 18

Oh chin already mentioned it >.>

Answer 19

Chib*

Answer 20

lmao chin yeah he did.

Answer 21

I am Chinitaraso! ^^

Answer 22

haha this is the first time i ever pronounced your full username

Chinitaraso and chibiteraso. love it

Answer 23

@bookworm00981

Answer 24

Amazing :3

Answer 25

it's good, but you left out one important thing

Answer 26

^ Yeah I didnt hear anything about cookies

Answer 27

and my name

Answer 28

Nope it was definitely just the cookies

Answer 29

Every poem needs to have it's essential nutrition which is my name/initial

Answer 30

lol you guys made me smile. ;) Next time I sure will add cookies @legend and yourname @help me21 ;P

Answer 31

This line looks odd to me "I asked for generosity and support", but what do I know right? Lol, you're ACTUALLY really good at writing poems @timaashorty !!

Answer 32

Very well done, not much more I have to say.

Answer 33

gimme more details batman whats odd about it ? lol does it sound misplaced, confusing, weird or what? As I said before the writer reads his poems differently than others. Since im not writing this poem just for myself, but also for others to read, i need to know ^.^
and Thank you beccaboo[:

Answer 34

I think i now see what's odd about it. see how the rest rhymed?

such as:
you/ through/shoe
needed/unheeded
care/dare

Except [mockery, and support]. it misplaces the rhythm, i think.

err what rhymes with mockery?

Answer 35

Heres a couple:

cocky, hockey, locker, rocker, soccer, artery, bakery, broccoli, contrary, coppery, daiquiri, flattery, glossary, hickory, lottery, pottery, poverty, properly, property, quandary, robbery, salary, snobbery,socrates, trickery, watery, debauchery, democracy, hypocrisy aristocracy, camaraderie, mediocrity

32 = a couple ;)

Answer 36

Thanks c= I just can't find a way to fit any of those with a similar sentence

Answer 37

A little jejune, but I guess it's okay.
The language (in my opinion) is a little too simple- after all, they'res beauty in the English language, "harder" words are not just gimmickry if placed correctly in effect, and there are many more expressive words that have much more poignant meaning that the ones you chose. Also, a tad of mystery always is beautiful in poetry- otherwise it's like prose and turns out a bit vapid.

Answer 38

Good work though. And my critique is only for the first one, I'll read the second one now.

Answer 39

Thankyou. I appreciate the honesty [: what can I do to improve? Btw, im not a poet, don't compare me to the other talented poems. I just write what I'm feeling.

Answer 40

That's great; don't change that. Sincerity is extremely important.

Answer 41

True ^.^ well I've thought about it and I'm not submitting one of them anymore.
If I post another and can you tell me what can I do to make it sound better?

Answer 42

Idk I disagree with DS on the first one, you don't have to have "harder" words to show the beauty in things. I believe poems represent you and how you view the world, so you should write it with your own vocabulary rather than finding synyoms just so you can impress some people who've never heard of the word before or make it sound like there's a deeper meaning behind it when there isn't. I personally like it simple.

Answer 43

Thank you batman. that is how I am too. Adding big words can be great but I do not think it'll make a huge diffference in describing feelings. Especially when it comes to love poems, I pretty much suck at finding a more big word that can be a clearer description of my feelings.

Answer 44

My point is that we shouldn't dumb down a genre just because it's what you "feel".

Answer 45

Just my opinion, and great work @timaashorty on the poem. I found it quite meaningful the way it's done, and your opinion sounds much more nuanced. I just don't agree with @iambatman in the sense that it's an extreme.

Answer 46

Sorry I vented there...

Answer 47

Haha I cracked a little bit. [i don't know why] What you're saying is true and I appreciate this honesty. I really do. I see what you mean; It's good to have big words, but this can loose the point of poetry. Poetry, well to me, is more about feelings. Expressing your feelings in the way you can. Although, sometimes people won't understand it. There's greater/deeper meaning under it. I've seen more poems with simple poems yet they have touched me deeply more than a poem with big words. Although, if you're saying words that have more meanings is important, that I can agree. Simile indeed do brighten up the poem.[reminds me that I should add more similes to poems lol ] Everyone has a different opinion on everything, and you can tell from everyone's feedback. I know my poems sometimes can be very confusing and only I can understand. Since I'm no experienced poet, and I barely started showing my poems to others. Every response everyone has made has helped me. Your opinions mean a lot since it helps me improve in my poetry. Thanks

Answer 48

Sorry I got mad. I shouldn't criticize because I'm not a great poet myself !

Answer 49

I love the way you're taking it, I wouldn't take it so nicely!

Answer 50

Haha no need to get mad. but I do agree with batmaan. At first I though you were saying If i don't add big birds it sounds just vapid. No I never get mad on here when someone honest at least. As long it's not offensive to me, Im fine with every opinion. I take it as an advice [;

Answer 51

Big BIRDS LOL i ment.. WORDS

Answer 52

@dumbsearch2 I was on my phone...mistakes will be made, also wow you went hard, and dismantled what little I did say lmao. All I said was, I disagreed, no need to call people uneducated. I do know many, "big words" but I choose not to use them for reasons of my own. If I knew how you actually spoke to people I would've never even bothered talking to you.

Answer 53

I'm so sorry, nevermind what I said, I'm going through a hard time. So sorry for being so unkind. I should have been a lot calmer about it all.

Answer 54

I understand/respect your point of view, and I'm sorry about it all. I'll delete my post now.

Answer 55

There. I deleted my monologue.

Answer 56

Haha, it made me upset that it was coming from you, if it was anyone else, I would've just ignored it tbh. No worries, we all have rough days :).

Answer 57

Awwe <3 Guys, guys. You've apologized, but now you need to kiss. and then there you've made up romantically <33 ;P [don't raise your eyebrows -.- ]

And dumbsearch whatever is giving you a hard time, I hope you be okay soon.

Answer 58

That wasn't your third poem right..

Answer 59

Actually I'm thinking of writing about about you two now. Thanks for the idea!

Answer 60

I kid, you're still the best poet I know, other than my grandpa, who has a PhD in poetry o_O

Answer 61

WOWOWOW Timaa >_>

Answer 62

Thanks @iambatman and @timaashorty. You're all too sweet.

Answer 63

Lmao Indeed me the best! Pshh I'm the one who taught your grandpa poetry. he just never told you;P

Answer 64

Feeling better dumbsearch? :D

Answer 65

@dumbsearch2 You're awesome! Don't worry about it! @timaashorty Oh my, you must be very old then :)

Answer 66

I guess @timaashorty, @iambatman really helped me :-)

Answer 67

Glad you're feeling better @dumbsearch2 :) and that's what the bat does, he helps people ^_^

Answer 68

I suppose.

Answer 69

Tomorrow will be a better day

Answer 70

you're really good @timaashorty! :D

Answer 71

Thanks hun [;

Answer 72

Amazing poems

Answer 73

Thank you wittegirl

Answer 74

Wow now reading this again the second stanza of the first poem sounds even way more awkward than I ever thought. lol

Answer 75

It's actually quite cool! :-)

Answer 76

No it was too cheesy. lol bu thankas

Answer 77

But but cheese is great for little mousies.