Question

Can someone please revise my short story please?
Grammar, quotes, punctuation, indenting correct?

The Cabin in the Woods


Mr. Rivers was waiting. And had been for a good long while. The past couple days, he had felt strange. Today he couldn't pull off going to the doctor any longer.

“Caleb Rivers?” The call from the nurse had ripped away from his empty thinking.

“Yes, I’m Caleb.”

Answer 1

The Cabin in the Woods


Mr. Rivers was waiting. And had been for a good long while. The past couple days, he had felt strange. Today he couldn’t pull off going to the doctor any longer.

“Caleb Rivers?” The call from the nurse had ripped away from his empty thinking.

“Yes, I’m Caleb.”

“The Doctor can now see you.” The nurse stated dryly. The steps to the Doctor’s office seemed unusually long for Caleb, like destiny was at his door. Or the Doctor’s door anyhow. Taking a quick breath before placing three knocks on the door, he pulled it open.

“Hello Dr. Marks?” Caleb squeaked slightly nervous.

Mr. Marks turned his gaze away from the papers he was looking at and placed it on his patient. “Mr. Rivers, what seems to be the problem?” he asked almost like if he already thought he knew.

“Well, I don’t know. My head has been hurting a lot lately. And I have these growing stomach pains.”

“Let me take a look and then we’ll be on our way to solving your problems.” The Doctor said with an almost cheery tone. After the Doctor ran some tests he concluded that his head was hurting from stress, and that the stomach pains were due to not enough protein in his diet. Caleb didn’t feel like those were the right answers but, he wasn’t one to judge the expertise of someone with far more knowledge on the subject. The Doctor prescribed a vacation with sometime to relax and rest. Caleb couldn’t argue with the idea of sometime for himself.

Following the trip from the doctor’s office, Caleb went online and searched for a good vacation spot. While searching the web he found a cabin in the woods that he could rent for a couple days. He considered that it would be a good idea for him to get a cabin because he wouldn’t be disturbed by anyone and he could enjoy looking at the animals outside his cabin. Caleb got the directions and packed his bags.

When Caleb was driving up to the cabin, the sun was going down and it was difficult for him to see. The weather made it worse because it was raining up a flood. The winds were screaming angrily at him and blasting, booming of thunder petrified him. Caleb spotted the time-weathered, history-seen cabin far beyond the trees barely visible in the distance. Branches batted at the car windows like they were trying to get his attention.

When Caleb was finally inside the cozy cabin, he was joyous to find that it was well heated. Quickly finding the bed he took a nap that lasted all night.

The next morning he set up cameras. Caleb had a desire to see animals in the beauty of their habitat, which, he couldn't do in the city. He was excited to see the animals himself without being worried about frightening them.

His glaze was glued upon the recording from last night, ice cream bowl in hand, when he took notice of a strange image. Caleb tried to get a better view but nothing worked.

Must be a problem with my camera. Eh, I'll fix it when I get back.

When Caleb sat down the next night to look at his recordings, with a chocolate Popsicle, he wasn't sure if his eyes were working properly.

Is that...a person? Is that thing human? What is it doing to that poor animal?

The human-like creature was devouring a deer, at the moment relishing a heart. He was determined to catch it tomorrow night.

He was staring at his laptop waiting for the creature when....

The next morning Caleb Rivers woke up outside, and staring at one of the most terrifying sights of his life. He found out who and what that creature was. And he didn't like his conclusions.

Answer 2

@whpalmer4