Question

Would you mind looking over my story so far? If its bad, leave honest criticism, and remember, this is supposed to be like a mindless comedy. Thanks!

Answer 1

I still haven't found any more food on this island. I'm starting to feel like there is nothing here but rocks, and sand. The only thing worth a search for was a small soccer ball. It's not much, but it's fun to have something that reminds me of humanity again. It sure demands a lot though. For example, he says I should go drown myself. I tell him to shut up. He also tells me to find the nearest rock and bash my head onto it until I pass out. This causes me to pick him up and punt him into the ocean. He gets mad when I do that, but the ocean always brings him back. I've decided to name him Nike, after the company he was made by. We get into arguments a lot. He always calls me stupid for getting stuck on this island in the first place. I tell him it was an accident but he doesn't listen. I found a sign that might have the name of the island. If this is the island I am looking for, then all of the pain and suffering would be worth it. The sign has too much overgrowth on it, all I can make out is "Island." I hope this is the island I have been searching for this entire time. The power of the island is too great for me to tell you now, but one day you will be ready. Nike told me to give up searching. I won't listen to him yet. As I lay down to go to sleep, I gaze upon the starry sky, wondering if this search is all worth fighting for. Yes, yes it is.

Answer 2

"but rocks, and sand" unnecessary comma
"worth a search for" -> "worth searching for"
"search for was a " -> "search for would be a"
"reminds me of humanity again" ... "again" ???
"It sure demands" what is "it"?
"drown myself. I tell him to shut up" -> "drown myself, to which I tell him.."
"Island." I doubt there should be a period on the sign -> "Island".
good, but the whole "He" thing confused me... you're talking to your shoe?

Answer 3

The soccer ball XD His name is Nike. And thanks for the grammar corrections

Answer 4

and try to break it up into smaller paragraphs :P

Answer 5

But yeah, I'll clear some of the stuff up. I also purposely jumped the reader in without much idea of what is going on. I just can't keyboard today, I keep hitting the wrong keys or just slaughter the spellign of a word

Answer 6

spelling*

Answer 7

lol xD point taken :P
it's a good start ^_^
ever heard of wattpad.com ?
you can post it there and get better criticism :P

Answer 8

Alright. Thanks again. If I continue writing this, I'll post it there. The whole story started out as a joke I was writing in the chat