Question

I want to know if this is a good paragraph?

When she was young she started working very young that the economy was very low. She wanted to study but parent didn't have to much money for school. So, she worked hard to keep their siblings stable because her father died of alcohol. She migrated to the United Stated In 1950's in California and worked in the fields for ten years. Mo rover, she stopped working in the fields, for she had arthritis.

Answer 1

There are several grammatical errors in there. Is this an introduction paragraph? If it isn't, it seems pretty good. If you want, I can help you with the errors I noticed.

Answer 2

sure.. its my 2nd paraphrase

Answer 3

paragraph

Answer 4

Ok, the first sentence, you state that she is young twice and the word "that" doesn't make sense in that context. In the second sentence, you might want to replace "parent" with "mother" and change "to" into "too" or "enough." "To keep their siblings…" maybe change "their" to a "her. " "To the United States in 1950's." You should either say the specific year or add "in the 1950's." And I don't think "moreover" is the word you're looking for in the last sentence. Sorry for all the quotation marks. This is actually a very interesting paragraph, it left me wanting to learn more.

Answer 5

in the first sentences can i put
when she was young she started working hard because the economy was very low

Answer 6

Yes, that would work wonderfully.

Answer 7

When she was young she started working very hard because the economy was very low. She wanted to study but her her mother didn't have too much money for school. So, she worked hard to keep her siblings stable because her father died of alcohol. She migrated to the United States In the 1950's in California and worked in the fields for ten years.Therefore, she stopped working in the fields, for she had arthritis..

Is that much better?

Answer 8

It is a lot better. I missed one thing earlier. You might want to change "in California" to "to California." Again, I don't think therefore is the work you're looking for. What are you trying to say with the last sentence? Maybe "eventually?"

Answer 9

oooh ok thank you

Answer 10

You're very welcome :)

Answer 11

can i add another sentences like
She had arthritis because she didn't vita mined well and other stuffs.

Answer 12

because i think is a short paragraph

Answer 13

Yeah, that could work. As long as there're lots of details concerning the other stuffs :)

Answer 14

Like this She had arthritis because she didn't vita minded well and didn't exercises a lot

Answer 15

As long as you fact check to find some causes of arthritis, that would work really well

Answer 16

ok thank you