Question

somebody help. tel me whats wrong with the essay.

Answer 1

will you post the essay for me? :)

Answer 2

didnt i attached it

Answer 3

oh there u go

Answer 4

thanks. :)

Answer 5

so is this something you've written by yourself, like a story type thing, or is it like based off another story?

Answer 6

based on another story

Answer 7

but i want to know if there's nothing wrong with it

Answer 8

well so it's basically a summary?

Answer 9

it barely talks about any plot the story has, and it doesn't really tell what the story is about or what the main character learns in the story.

Answer 10

uhm its a character sketch

Answer 11

im describing one of the characters in the story

Answer 12

ok then it's good.

Answer 13

any grammatical errors? and anything

Answer 14

any corrections.. for the intro, body and conclusion..

Answer 15

first paragraph:
• "from THE states"; you left out the.
• "Her one older sister coming home from the states sets her ima state of anxiety." you could change the sentence into that.
• "the reasons for this lining her exterior: scars of flames once kissing her skin, blistering and crisping her smooth body. these scars will forever be reminders of her burning house cover her, make her feel extraterrestrial and traumatized." you could say that instead of what you'd had before.
• "filled with awe and envy for her sister, she becomes a hermit crab; hidden away in a little shell, anxiety bubbling inside her." say that instead of the last sentence.

Answer 16

• take out the part about the dress.

• "her insecurities captivating her, forcing her not to disclose her thoughts for fear of being criticized or embarrassed any further."

• "more mature than her sister, she will acquire the quilts after her grandmother passes."

• take out the part about the short and stocky man, asamalakim.

• take out the part about hearing mama and Dee arguing, & very thing in the paragraph after that.

• merge the last paragraph with the second one.

Answer 17

that's second paragraph^

Answer 18

merging with the second paragraph:

• "admiring the quilts she will inherit, she considers them a representation of her grandmother, tokens of who she was."

• "in the end, she would give up the quilts, still with a strong desire for them, to her sister."

• "feeling weak, she would never pose a threat when fighting for what she wants- maybe because she is accustomed to being less significant."

Answer 19

so the sentences i gave you, replace your other ones with those. & remove what i told you to remove from the paragraphs. if you would like an explanation as to why i changed certain things, let me know.