Question

How is this rhyming couplet? Is there anything I should change? I need lots of feedback.

Answer 1

Snow and Ice everywhere
The bears are sleeping in their lair
The bare trees lose their leaves
To the cold autumn breeze
The fire offers little warmth
Yet we still huddle around the hearth
The owls sing throughout the night
But not even they can cure our plight
We watch the stars as the sun goes down
Only to have the clouds give us frowns
Winter is here and here to stay
Will we be able to keep the cold at bay?

Answer 2

@jabez177

Answer 3

@e.mccormick

Answer 4

@Markiplier

Answer 5

@MAli13chineta

Answer 6

thats nice i like it

Answer 7

Thx is there anything I should change Any bad grammar or anything like that.

Answer 8

well sentence
We watch the stars as the sun goes down
Only to have the clouds give us frowns
should be switched cause the sun went down and in night theres no clouds

Answer 9

there are clouds at night you just cannot see them lol

Answer 10

when you cannot see the stars it is either smog or clouds

Answer 11

plus clouds covering the moon

Answer 12

lol but i like it

Answer 13

Thx

Answer 14

@Dustinself42

Answer 15

@Miracrown

Answer 16

lol i am trying to get a lot of feedback so i am posting random names

Answer 17

@Vianne

Answer 18

@blah124

Answer 19

It's pretty good, "The bare trees lose their leaves
To the cold autumn breeze"

I thought it was winter? o.o I also thought that near the end of autumn all the leaves fell off.. I'm not really a poem person. So.. :3 Good luck?

Answer 20

Thx

Answer 21

Warmth and hearth don't really rhyme, and I think if you change "give us frowns" to "give us a frown" it would rhyme better with "down."
Other than that, I like it. :)

Answer 22

thx Lee Etchison