Question

Can someone please review my 9th grade descriptive essay?
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OommndLORistH5MWeJIjHx3eEXWfWgNYtcpDbz0Vve4/edit?usp=sharing

Answer 1

It looks awesome to me!

Answer 2

Thanks. :)

Answer 3

No problem!

Answer 4

your bound to get a good grade

Answer 5

Thank you. ^_^

Answer 6

I just added a few suggestions.

Answer 7

I for one, love creating descriptive Essays. They're my favorite part of ELA!

Answer 8

Wow, thanks! I appreciate your advice, and I'll definitely incorporate your suggestions into my final draft. :D

Answer 9

i love it:>)

Answer 10

you spelled heavn worng

Answer 11

haven is actually a word I forgot what it means though. Different from heaven.

Answer 12

I think it's a place of safety and peace.

Answer 13

Yeah, it is. :)

Answer 14

Thanks very much to everyone who's editing on Google Docs, I really appreciate your input! :)

Answer 15

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxqSdr_vZIs This helps me when I'm writing Essays by the way. Lol

Answer 16

Classical Music is the best for ELA

Answer 17

I'll give it a listen, ty. I personally love Leonin and the like for studying. Something calming about medieval music. :)

Answer 18

Also, another friendly tip: Don't try to force descriptive words into spaces and areas in the Essay where they don't make the most since or fit well. Some places are okay to leave without a lot of descriptive words.

Answer 19

I know, I know, but my teacher specifically asked for a descriptive essay, and since this is an honors project I really need to follow her instructions. :(

Answer 20

I think it describes the atmosphere pretty well without all the descriptive sentences added, but she wants specifics, not general atmosphere.

Answer 21

Okay; how did the music that your brother played come out of the room like? Was it like a slow, calming sensation all throughout the house, or something else?

Answer 22

And was the clothes that were on the room floor, dirty, clean, or both?

Answer 23

Hmm. It was sometimes absolutely beautiful, but other times jarring, since he was practicing new pieces.

Answer 24

They were so wrinkled it was hard to tell the difference between dirty and clean.

Answer 25

There were piles of clothes on the floor, that at times were a little dirty and wrinkled, along with and a few little video-game figurines on the desk.

Okay how about this^

Answer 26

When my brother moved to a larger room, I became the master of the wonderland that I could finally call "my room".

Answer 27

Okay, I'll keep those changes in mind. :)

Answer 28

Since you teacher wants the essay to be highly descriptive, try your best to make it sound the most grammatically correct as possible, and try to make it fluent as well.

Answer 29

Right, I'm trying to. XD

Answer 30

A large painting of a Louisiana bayou at evening that I bought in a thrift store hangs next to a poster of Darth Vader and the bounty hunters from Star Wars.

Hanging next to a poster of Darth Vader and the bounty Hunters from Star Wars, lies a Large, comforting painting of a Louisiana bayou with a evening mood.

Answer 31

an evening mood*

Answer 32

Oh, that does sound better! :)

Answer 33

And while reading this in class, be sure to say the essay with a lot of emotion, as if you are imagining and re-living it in your mind. Your teacher will like that.

Answer 34

(If you have to read it in class, that is)

Answer 35

Nah, it's an online school. :)

Answer 36

Looks great!!

Answer 37

Thanks. :)

Answer 38

No prob!