Question

Can someone review my final draft of a descriptive essay? It's for a 9th grade honors project.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1OommndLORistH5MWeJIjHx3eEXWfWgNYtcpDbz0Vve4/edit?usp=sharing

Answer 1

Looks awesome.

Answer 2

Thank you! Do you have any suggestions for revisions I should make? @KyanTheDoodle

Answer 3

Maybe at the beginning, you could use the word "room" less. Like, "Before my room was my room, it was my brother’s room. Before that, it was my grandmother’s, my aunt’s, and my uncle’s." But that's just my opinion.

Answer 4

What could I say instead? I know that sentence is kinda awkward but I wasn't sure how to change it.

Answer 5

Before my room was my room, it was my brother’s room. Before that, it was my grandmother’s room, my aunt’s room, and my uncle’s room.

I would put:
Before my room was my room, it was my brother's. Before that, it was my grandmother's, my aunt's, and my uncle's room.

Answer 6

Okay, I'll edit that.

Answer 7

well thats just my opinion

Answer 8

It does sound better that way, I think. :)
Do you have any further suggestions?

Answer 9

nope, otherwise it all good :)

Answer 10

Okay, thanks! :)

Answer 11

No problem :)

Answer 12

@iambatman @Zale101 @EwwwAlgebra

Answer 13

@Daniel_Chernioglo That's exactly what I said...

Answer 14

lol, but you didnt answer her question after that :)

Answer 15

Yeah, I am also struggling to understand the first sentence. It's difficult to read.

Answer 16

There, I edited it on the doc. Does it make more sense now?

Answer 17

I was offline.

Answer 18

I don't see any editions. Perhaps it is because my computer doesn't support that doc.

Answer 19

@ashellyh @sammixboo @nincompoop
If I could get some more opinions, that would be great! :)