Question

Need help improvising??? 

Answer 1

Key to understanding my thoughts:

"..." = what you wrote

(....) = what I thought/commented.

First Paragraph:

"The United States Constitution has remained the world's oldest living constitution."

(I don't think that the verb tense "has remained is appropriate for this paper. Remains would be more appropriate).

"Each time I read through the Preamble, I am brought back three years to the times I studied history in the National Archives."

(If this is a formal paper, then avoid first person. If not, then maintain a point of view [either 1st or 3rd person]. Switching between the two is a bit annoying for the reader.)

"There stood, - the United States Constitution in a glass compartment representing “We the People of the United States.” Through all their efforts the framers established a Constitutional Republic-- a new government granted power by its citizens. The Constitution works because it provides three branches of government, a system of checks and balances, and the amendment process. Only America’s constitution recognizes the “unalienable rights” to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

(Make sure that these four sentences are solidly related. It appears that you have several different ideas going on and they aren't solidly connected. The last sentence is the one that I'm mainly concerned about with regard to this. Plus, I am not clear on what your thesis is in this paper. Put into one sentence what you are trying to prove and attach it to the first paragraph).

At the moment, I do not have the time to go through the rest closely, but looks like you have put a lot of though into this and is has strong promise of being an excellent paper. I will come back to it later :)

Answer 2

Its for speech.... So would say it is formal

Answer 3

Ok

Answer 4

Is it ok?

Answer 5

Lord child. This is LONG! It looks really good to me though.

Answer 6

Should I put individualism in. Another paragraph??? Or is it fine the way it is?

Answer 7

I think its great either way. It might be better as two paragraphs, so that it doesn't feel like it runs on.

Answer 8

@katkipe is right make it 2 - 3 paragraphs so ya it doesnt look like run ons and a huge story. Use some really good words if you need help adding more words either A look it up or 2 you can ask one of us im really good at wrighting :) U wanna make your teacher surprised at what you can really do and u would be surprised your self but before you add words read it then re read it again with more upper words if you dont know what words to put just ask. Well i hope this helps you some but other than that I agree with the others it does look good @hattie12

Answer 9

What upper words can I use to use my writers craft...... I need help please... Where too?

Answer 10

let me get a website to help u that has upper classman words i guess u could call them

Answer 11

http://www.smart-words.org/linking-words/transition-words.html

Answer 12

Lizzie although with many grammatical errors makes a good point. I am also here to help.

Answer 13

i know

Answer 14

Do you still need help, Hattie? ^_^

Answer 15

yes please I need help on making it sound better?

Answer 16

wait
later