giving up
giving up is something i do all the time but this time
its forever
im done with boys
they always end up breaking my heart
i cant take anymore pain
im not strong
i cry all the time
i bleed when i cry to much
it hurts me knowing that i will never be really loved by a guy
but it makes me feel that im not worth loving anymore
im useless
im a waste of space
i just take what i have and end it all
but i can't i dont have it in me anymore
so im going to die when no one is home
that way im dead and long gone
but when will that be ??????
my birthday is coming up
and i will be dead before then
i will be in heaven with my dogs
that way they arent alone anymore im right beside them when they sleep
and heaven is forever our life is only for a while till we die of old age or some other cause
but im ready to leave now not later because then i will see my best friend who took her life because of something i said to her after that was the last time i talked to her
it kills me every single day since it happened knowing i could have stopped it but i didn't
i wanted to tell her so bad i was sorry i never did and she jumped off the bridge and there was nothing i could do at the point in time
but i wish i was dead not her
she had some many people that cared for her to this day i still talk to the pictures we took at carowinds
saying i'm so sorry i never should have told u i didn't care about u
that was a lie i cared more about u then anything i had in life
i wanted to call your mom a few years ago and i did she blames me for your death
and i don't blame her for blaming me for your death it was all of my fault i should have been there for you . but i wasn't .
the night u jumped i had a dream about u dying and i turned ont he news the next morning and your car was on the bridge and u were no where to be found but then i seen them pull our body up i dropped to the floor screaming so loud it woke my mom and dad
they seen what was on and ran to me
held me in their arms i didn't leave the house for two months.
I never eat.
Drank anything.
I just cried and cried
In those two months i lost so much weight u could see my ribs .
I didn't know what to do
so i just slept a very long time
and i woke up every single day breaking down when someone said your name said u were a wonderful girl and when some one looked at me and said this was all your fault and they didn't wanna talk to me anymore.
that is when i found out no one liked me anymore teachers, students, family, friends no one liked me
that day i took the one they cared mostly about away forever because i told her i didn't care
but i still think if i said i was sorry to her would she still be here? or would it have even changed anything?
so i want to leave this world to say to her i'm so sorry i never meant for u to kill your self over something i said to you
i was only mad t u for kissing my bf
so it should be me that should be dead not you

Question

giving up 
giving up is something i do all the time but this time 
its forever 
im done with boys 
they always end up breaking my heart 
i cant take anymore pain 
im not strong 
i cry all the time
i bleed when i cry to much 
it hurts me knowing that i will never be really loved by a guy 
but it makes me feel that im not worth loving anymore 
im useless
im a waste of space 
i just take what i have and end it all 
but i can't i dont have it in me anymore 
so im going to die when no one is home 
that way im dead and long gone 
but when will that be ??????
my birthday is coming up 
and i will be dead before then 
i will be in heaven with my dogs 
that way they arent alone anymore im right beside them when they sleep 
and heaven is forever our life is only for a while till we die of old age or some other cause 
but im ready to leave now not later because then i will see my best friend who took her life because of something i said to her after that was the last time i talked to her 
it kills me every single day since it happened knowing i could have stopped it but i didn't 
i wanted to tell her so bad i was sorry i never did and she jumped off the bridge and there was nothing i could do at the point in time 
but i wish i was dead not her 
she had some many people that cared for her to this day i still talk to the pictures we took at carowinds 
saying i'm so sorry i never should have told u i didn't care about u 
that was a lie i cared more about u then anything i had in life 
i wanted to call your mom a few years ago and i did she blames me for your death 
and i don't blame her for blaming me for your death it was all of my fault i should have been there for you . but i wasn't . 
the night u jumped i had a dream about u dying and i turned ont he news the next morning and your car was on the bridge and u were no where to be found but then i seen them pull our body up i dropped to the floor screaming so loud it woke my mom and dad 
they seen what was on and ran to me 
held me in their arms i didn't leave the house for two months. 
I never eat. 
Drank anything.
I just cried and cried 
In those two months i lost so much weight u could see my ribs . 
I didn't know what to do 
so i just slept a very long time 
and i woke up every single day breaking down when someone said your name said u were a wonderful girl and when some one looked at me and said this was all your fault and they didn't wanna talk to me anymore. 
that is when i found out no one liked me anymore teachers, students, family, friends no one liked me 
that day i took the one they cared mostly about away forever because i told her i didn't care 
but i still think if i said i was sorry to her would she still be here? or would it have even changed anything?
so i want to leave this world to say to her i'm so sorry i never meant for u to kill your self over something i said to you 
i was only mad t u for kissing my bf 
so it should be me that should be dead not you

anonymous · Answer

@Destinycholie @Destinymasha @One098 @Crissy15 @CREEPYMLPMASTER @marieislearning @arris04 @jordanloveangel @someoneamaznig204 @gigi1103 @GreenCat @i..am..legend @iGreen 
@Raven011 @rebecca99 @rebeka @redeemed1312 @Rainbow_dashie @Race100 @RainbowCupcake7997 @thesweetheart3 @misty1212 @MilenaSaeger @Morgan0608 @monyvia23 @PyroYolka @quickstudent @ROSEQUEEN2014 @TheSmartOne @Nnesha @shifuyanli @shelby1290 @ShayleeCutie @eliasperez191 @Loveless13 @YouSir @mg_omg @tomorrow @AaronAndyson @jakematt24 @billj5 @arris04

one098 · Answer

Oh that's amazing! I really liked it. @MakaylaTracy

anonymous · Answer

thank u

anonymous · Answer

@Catlover5925 @Cicilybailey14 @uChezzy @ScarlettGrace<3 @shelby33 @jojo4eva @HannahA @Firejay5 @fallenangelorchid @Radelp @showa @AceMayfield @alwayshelping16 @brittanydosey @CallMeKiki @caitlynxoxo__98 @Donblue22 @EmogirlAtEmoooocow @gigi1103 @LeeEtchison @Mesopretty

hannaha · Answer

deep! not bad :)

anonymous · Answer

thx

fallenangelorchid · Answer

Awesome Lassie!

callmekiki · Answer

I really like it! Great job! C:

anonymous · Answer

thank u all so much

anonymous · Answer

@demonchild99 @DarkMoonZ @linda360 @pielover123

anonymous · Answer

Great work !!!!!

demonchild99 · Answer

Zayum thats deep. its really good.

anonymous · Answer

thank u

rainbow_dashie · Answer

I love it so much but plz stop tagging me. Thank you.

anonymous · Answer

will do and thanks

anonymous · Answer

wow, it's really good. I like the concept.
It's early in the morning, i'm drinking my chocolate milk while reading this.. I'm so moved.. can't drink this milk anymore xDD

anonymous · Answer

haha and thanks

anonymous · Answer

welcome (:
may i know what's your inspiration for writing this?

anonymous · Answer

its just my every day feelings and my past and what has happened and that i never meant to hurt anyone @Data_LG2

anonymous · Answer

aww sorry for that. very nice though! keep up the goodwork ^_^

anonymous · Answer

i will

crissy15 · Answer

deep, I like it

anonymous · Answer

thanks @Crissy15

anonymous · Answer

@Clalgee

clalgee · Answer

Wow! This poem is much rather depressing than happy! you go into dept and I'm glad that you shared this with everyone on Openstudy. Great work!

anonymous · Answer

@SKYUKA  is this one good?

anonymous · Answer

It takes a lot of courage to open up like that. Don't you feel better after venting all that you're feeling and knowing that people really care and want to hear your story :) Words can be very Powerful but you didn't have the power to take someone else's life. That was her choice and her way of dealing with it. After someone reads this story, they will not say harsh words that hurt to their friends and family so you may have saved lots of lives of fellow Youths and other people by expressing this story. 
ONE WORD CAN CHANGE THE WORLD !!!

anonymous · Answer

^ that's me too, SKUKA :)

Would you be cool for us to post this one too because when fellow Youths read it, they'll be INSPIRED by your courage and story and something Great will come out of your message after reading it :)

anonymous · Answer

thank u both it did make me feel better

anonymous · Answer

Use this experience in a Meaningful Way. The lesson you've learned can be a lesson that is Meaningful to someone else. Your guilt will not benefit you but your experience will help you become a better, smarter person. Be a role model for other people. Show people that you can screw up and be on your knees and then turn your life around and pick yourself up and be a better person after such a traumatic experience and still have a great life and be happy. You deserve it :)