Question

cries
she cries because she is not seen
she screams their names telling them to stop hitting her
crying and crying
no one seems to listen to her when she screams
she breaks
she drops
not ever rising up again
she no longer exists :(

Answer 1

@Destinycholie @Crissy15 @One098 @YouSir

Answer 2

and anyone else who wants to comment on this can i just dont want to mass tag people and get yelled at by people who don't even know me so sorry for not tagging more people

Answer 3

@Radelp @kittycat123 @Demonx341 @misty1212 @Data_LG2

Answer 4

um i really like the meaning behind the poem and before i give u critics i want to let u know that poetry comes from u. It should b about u and ur writings so if u think its perfect than its perfect, but these just some suggestions and kind of how i felt.

so i felt like the poemwas cliche whiich is okay but u need to put at least one line in there that tells me in detail of how this felt. I feel like ive heard this poem a million times over which is good in the sense that u will have an audience that youre connecting to. But the problem is that this audiences wants to here something different and yet the same. Like a different way of thinking or a different metaphor with the same meaning behind it. im normally not a huge fan of repitiion and u use the word "her" a lot, but i didnt mind it . It didnt annoy me. I kind of hated and loved how it ended. And i will tell u why. I hated it because i felt like it was very abrupt. I felt like the poem gave me no closure in a way. But i loved this because thats the effect it had on me and with what u were saying i feel like thats the exact effect u wanted. Because she no longer exsists. In real life that feel or that reality is very abrupt and i think u did an awesome job at making me feel like that. i would jsut add in more details or basically make a little unique. U have the talent u can write poems but now u just need to tweak some things.

I hope this helps i know i personally love it when people give me feed back. And like i said before its poetry so if u think its perfect than its perfect.

Answer 5

also sorry for any spelling or grammar errors i didnt double check anything and im majer dyslexic so i apologize

Answer 6

thank u so much i really appreciate it its okay i knwo what u meant

Answer 7

lol ur a great writer so keep going!

Answer 8

do u mind looking at this on and tell me what u think ?

Answer 9

no not at all

Answer 10

every night i go to sleep
and wake up thinking you are going to be beside me
every day i wake up to an empty house and tears running down my face
all because of a dream
i had of you
we went to bed
and i wake up and you are gone
its turns into a nightmare
i don't want it to become true
if it does i will scream till i can't scream not more
i don't know what it is about you
but.........
you are all i think about
I am not sure telling you i have dream about you all the time is a good idea
i can't stop thinking that if i didnt lie to you
Would you still love me?
Would we still be together?
Where would this take me and you?
DO you think this would have lasted with a long distance relationship?
But no matter what i fear
we wil always find away to get to each other
if this means running away to see u kiss u and hug u than so be it
like i said in the beginning i would do anything for you
I know you think im a self centered attention seeker
i don't care what you think well i do but thats not the point
i have no more streath to get up on my feet and yell your name
i wish i did but my life is coming to end

Answer 11

so what do u think ???

Answer 12

@ispike

Answer 13

@Clalgee @LeeEtchison @Bpgrace

Answer 14

Wow! @MakaylaTracy You truly are a great poet! I was able to capture the essence of what you meant in both of the poems. The second poem really caught my glance immediately. I was able to relate in a situation such as this due to myself being in the same predicament. One minor mistake is the word strength, it is spelled incorrectly, but, it is a minor mistake. Keep up the great work and keep touching everyone's hearts. :)

Answer 15

thank you so much i guess i should have checked my grammar @Clalgee

Answer 16

No problem. If you are writing other poems, be sure to check your grammar so the reader understands what you mean :) Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your poem.

Answer 17

Amazing.

Answer 18

thxs @SGTMiller

Answer 19

hey sorry for the late reply and the poem was good. in fact this is the kind of stuff ive been writting lately but the problem i have with this poem is i only see one meaning. Maybe theyre several but when i read it i found one. When u put down a single word as the author u should be thinking of at least three different meanings just for that word. When you put the words together there should be millions of meanings. Hidden ideas or symbolism are things that will get u there. idk i just know that when i write poems similar to this i always say i have writers block afterwards. Its a little cliche but thats okay for this sorta thing. I would just your audience a little bit more to think about

Answer 20

its okay i dont mind u not replying right away i was busy so i could not reply anyway

Answer 21

lol i hope this helps. Last summer i got accepted to a writing program at Georgetown and during one of the lectures this is one of the things that they said. It was something i already did but its still good to think about and remember that every word should have at least 3 meanings

Answer 22

thank u that really helped

Answer 23

@quickstudent