Question

my newest story

A dark figure

i walked down a well lite street the all goes black
i was worried about what was going to happen. I drop the to road i places my hands over my head i fall sleep. I wake up cold my hands are blue my face is covered in blue marks. my head is bleeding. i am lost i scream out. I over my head with a paper towel take it off and it is all bloody. i am so cold i left up off the road. not sure where to go i start walking down the road trying to find someone to help me but no one is around. i try to find my phone but its gone. I can't find anything. I see a car driving by i stop them then i drop. they get out of the car i feel blood rolling down my face. he calls 911. I feel something pressing on my chest. i wake up after the third time they do they call my mom in to the ER

Answer 1

Being an author of a couple books myself, it sounds great!! :) But "lite" should be "lit" and right after that it should then "and then all goes black." When you say "I am lost I scream out", if you want to add more drama, put it like "I am lost.... I scream out..." Other than that it's awesome.

Answer 2

correction: the second sentence should say "I drop to the road, I place my hands over my head, and I fall asleep." In the third sentence, it should say "I wake up, and my hands are blue, and my face is strangely covered in blue marks." The fourth sentence should say "I cover my head with a paper towel, but when I draw it away, it is horrifically covered in blood.