Hey everyone. Just wanted some feedback on a story im writing. This is from the first page of it.

Question

Hey everyone.  Just wanted some feedback on a story im writing.  This is from the first page of it.

clongoria2 · Answer

attachment

anonymous · Answer

its good but..............

anonymous · Answer

to me it needs to capture someones attention im sorry im a big crituqe

anonymous · Answer

i love your style of writing... it draws me in... definitely like the way you made me feel like i was scared by using very short sentences.  i think its a good start, great job! : )

anonymous · Answer

It's good, but...
#1 You need to break it up a bit, like paragraphs. It was hard to read. 
#2 I love how you put a lot of detail into what she/he is feeling. But I want to see more detail towards what he'she looks like and the other person. There also needs to be more detail towards their surroundings. 
#3 Don't leave me at a cliff hanger. Tag me when you most more. Are you going to post it on wattpad or anything?