Question

poem for critic or comment?! if you like it please tell me but i want honest answers and i love critics because they make me a better writer. Dont dummy it up for emotions sake

Answer 1

Words I dread and yet I said

but I speak alone

unless this is scene

but I doubt you see me

just a vision of who yourself ought to be

I speak in these pavements.

My feet are glued to the floor.

And I always was ignored

but that's alright

I'm too scared to fight

and its alright

not like you cared

then again

you were just as scared

so why would you dare?

Its true to be

but you would never see the truth that layed inside of me...

I hope you know

maybe you can grow

but this is my mind

it leaks out time

depended on the rise

we will always collide

because your the emotions I attempt to hide.

but then write

and your in plain site.

But it gives me a chance

and I finally feel free

like there's something that has left inside of me

but its good

because it should

and this is not the life I agree to

so instead I wait

hoping a real person will appreciate

the life that was too late

but I will never wait

and taking this is what I do

but I will not let you ruin me too

not the emotions that hide inside of you.

Mine still aren't through..

Answer 2

@demonchild99 @horsegirl27 @crissy15 @Shawna.marie @Destinycholie @ilovewolf @ilovefood

Answer 3

@dan815 @AaronAndyson

Answer 4

Nice poem :)

Answer 5

thanks @AaronAndyson

Answer 6

I'll read it once again :)

Answer 7

@AaronAndyson lol why

Answer 8

and cool

Answer 9

Just for fun ;P

Answer 10

lol cool

Answer 11

Nice. @ispike

Answer 12

The meter is all over the place, but it works, making it more like a rap than a poem. As free verse it's pretty good. The only snag is in the third line.

In the third line 'scene' should be 'seen,' even if this is an intentional use of a homophone. Intentional or not, it does not make sense and is distracting to the reader. It also conveys a sense that you do not know the difference between the two words, seen and scene, even though I'm quite sure that you do. If you are not following me on why it is distracting, consider the following sentence and you will know what I mean:

Their not going to like it when they find out they can't get tickets.

Answer 13

I love the poem, and I also noticed the use of scene. However, I think it was to give a metaphorical quality of falsity to life, like it's a play or a game, in a way.

However, I also think think that @jagatuba has a point by mentioning that particular usage. To the casual observer, reading in a literal sense, it does appear unprofessional.

Either way, wonderful poem.

Answer 14

@jagatuba thanks for putting in input you dont know how much i love it when people do that. As for scene youre writie it should be seen and i will change that. And as for distracting it isnt for me because i have about five learning disabilities, and its very difficult for me to notice homophones. I know the differences but i have to think about that and often it takes me a long time to process it. Its faster for me to just wright it. So thank you for noticing for me things like that i just dont see. And i can totally understand how it could b annoying to another person like yourself

Answer 15

@geneticrockhopper im so glad you enjoyed it

Answer 16

Not really annoying, just distracting and also easily overlooked. Whether writing poetry, stories, or even programming code, it's usually the little things that we most easily overlook. I remember writing a Java program in college and it wouldn't work. I looked over the code more than a dozen times and could find nothing wrong. I posted the code in the programming group here and a little after I did I found my problem before getting an answer. I had just forgotten to define a single variable. I felt kind of dumb after someone posted an answer confirming what i had already found, but the thing is, when writing, no matter what kind of writing, WE know what it is supposed to say. So when something is wrong in a little way, our mind corrects it in our heads unless we are reading it very carefully or if we take a break from it for a while and come back to it later.

Answer 17

@jagatuba i usually have my best friend look over my writings, because she knows what i struggle with and the technical things i have issues with. I dont really have her edit poetry cause its poetry so its jsut a way for me to release really. But for actual writings shes got me covered.

Answer 18

Thank god i have her as a friend lol