Question

Tell me what you think of the first chapter of my novel? Is it all over the place? Any grammatical errors? Not enough detail? I'd really like to know what you think!

http://www.wattpad.com/story/30289981-the-forgotten

If you have a wattpad account I'd love if you'd comment, vote, and add it to your libraries. :)

Answer 1

loved it

Answer 2

It's really nice.

Answer 3

@KyanTheDoodle Thanks!
@study_buddy99 I'm glad. Is there anything you want to read in it next?

Answer 4

I love it. Great use of adjectives. They really added to the story. It was really captivating, and painted a good picture for me to imagine. I didn't notice any grammar mistakes, and if there were some, they must not have been that bad. I love the addition of Xavier at the end.

Answer 5

@AbbyH. Thanks so much! That's exactly the kind of feedback I wanted. Is there anything I should change? I actually wasn't going to add Xavier's but I felt like I needed a push for the next chapter which I am currently writing. Do you have a wattpad account?

Answer 6

I don't have a wattpad account, I use to but I never used it. You could have described Felix and and The Doctor a little bit more. Really create this mental picture of two guys you wouldn't ever want to be alone with. I like your description of the room.

Answer 7

Thank you! I asked because I'm going to reedit the chapter, because I feel like it's missing something. @Whitemonsterbunny17 @Destinymasha

Answer 8

wow it is wonderful

Answer 9

@bridgettes Thanks!

Answer 10

@Abhisar @campbell_st @Destinymasha @dtan5457 @jim_thompson5910 @Loser66 @Nnesha @sammixboo @Whitemonsterbunny17 @PoetryPrincess

Answer 11

"The tall man walked swiftly causing the small girl to lag behind, causing her whimpers of pain every once in a while"

i think this could be reworded a little better, especially towards the end.

other than that, so far so good. very wide range of vocab

Answer 12

@dtan5457 Thanks for the feedback, any suggestion on how I could reword it? I was thinking...

"The man walked swiftly, but stopped when the small girl let out a whimper of pain. He glared down at her as she lagged behind. With a shake of his head, he continued to his destination."

How is that?

Answer 13

much better :)

Answer 14

@dtan5457 Thanks so much for taking the time to help. :)

Answer 15

I loved it @CrazyCountryGirl You're a really great writer. If you want to or get the chance, could you tell me what you think of the first chapter in my book? I still have yet to write more of it. But that's what I have so far.

http://openstudy.com/study#/updates/54e222f2e4b0b0ad88555305

Answer 16

Sure I just reviewed. @k_lynn