Question

Hey I wrote a poem

Answer 1

We were happy
And there was much to do.
Life was good.
I felt carefree
I felt good.

But then you left me.
The walls of my world fell down.
I was helpless
Out of control.
I didn't know what to do.

I felt lost.
Like I was wandering with nowhere to go.
You were right there.
But just out of my reach.

I had to take control.
I couldn't let myself collapse.
But how could just a girl
take over
when her world is tumbling down,

Answer 2

There's the start. I'm going to add more to it. Please tell me what you think:)

Answer 3

@ispike @fallenangelorchid

Answer 4

@MakaylaTracy

Answer 5

i liked it alot! i think it would be cool to have less punctuation towards the end but i loved how u ended with a comma that right there tells me a lot. Very well done

Answer 6

WOW nice poem :):):) Goo Job!!! I read your poem and I thought it was good! :)

Answer 7

Thank you!!! Yeah I wasn't sure if people would understand the comma at the end. When I add to it I will work on it and fix the punctuation. I was trying to type it and think of it as fast as possible because I had 3 minutes lol

Answer 8

it's good,yea punctuation, but it's great

Answer 9

Thank you! this is just a rough draft that I posted for suggestions so this is helpful. I'm glad you guys like it:) What should I write next? That the walls of a destroyed world are rebuilt and the girl(me) is happy again? Btw this is written because I just moved but I do an online school so I only have a few friends rather than the hundreds I could make at school and one of my old horsey friends drove down to my house for a week and we had so much fun together but now she left and it just feels so empty and lonely. But even worse, she's still in the area. She's just busy going to stuff with her parents so I can't see her. And now the barn feels boring, my house quiet and empty, no more reasons to stay up all night watching movies, no person to tell what happened in the tv series I'm watching... It's sad. But my sister is home from college on a break soon! And we ride together so that's good. But I might not be able to see my friend till summer :( Then next year I'm going to a real school so I can make closer friends :) And I have a group of crew friends, a large group of friends at the barn, a few of my neighbors but they are a year or two younger than me. And I do talk to my old friends from ny and the friends I made through online school but we don't live close

Answer 10

its nice

Answer 11

Thank you:)

Answer 12

cool, im in online so yall make alot of friends online just dont get anti-social like me lol my docs starting to worry

Answer 13

amazing poem :)

Answer 14

Haha it would be impossible for me not be anti-social. Don't worry, my friends from ny come often enough and I hang with my barn friends everyday

Answer 15

Thanks @Soniatonia!!

Answer 16

You're welcome :)

Answer 17

do you guys think that when I finish I should add the new poem to this thread or should I make a new post?

Answer 18

Add it to this thread! :)

Answer 19

as long as we can see the poem

Answer 20

ok

Answer 21

sorry for the late reply
i have no words

Answer 22

cool ;p lol

Answer 23

lol thx

Answer 24

We were happy
And there was much to do.
Life was good.
I felt carefree
I felt good.

But then you left me.
The walls of my world fell down.
I was helpless
Out of control.
I didn't know what to do.

I felt lost
Like I was wandering with nowhere to go.
You were right there
But just out of my reach.

I had to take control
I couldn't let myself collapse.
But how could just a girl
take over
when her world is tumbling down

I knew I had to rebuild the walls
But I didn't know how.
Then you came back.
I realized I couldn't do this myself.
I needed someone.
I was happy again
And before I knew it
My world was together again.

Answer 25

Well what do you think of it now? I changed the punctuation and added to it. But I don't really like the ending. Tell me what you think

Answer 26

it's great @ispike I like the last line can she do better @ispike ? i like it

Answer 27

cool

Answer 28

Thanks