Question

Will someone critic my story/beginning of book lol

Answer 1

i'll try not very good with writing

Answer 2

I took one breath and pushed off of the ground. I was soaring through the sky.The wind in my hair,the nice breeze on my face.I looked down and saw the cars and the tiny people.I saw the big library and City Hall.To my sides there were fluffy clouds all around me. Suddenly,I'm brought back to the real world. My teacher is standing up front calling my name. She looks as if she's said it quite a few times. "Well Sara? Do you know the answer?" All eyes are on me including my crush's. I blush and say,"Um, I'm sorry what was the question?" I hear snickers from the right side of the room. "The question is, When was Thomas Jefferson born?." My teacher glares at me like an evil witch. "I'm sorry Mrs.Craig, I don't know." I burrow deeper into my seat as my teacher makes this weird snorting sound and says, "Ok then,Megan do you know the answer?". Megan turns and gives me an evil grin, "Yes Mrs.Craig, the answer-". She's cut off,thankfully,as the bell rings. As I get up to go I feel my teachers red hot glare following my every move.I get to my locker without anything happening but my luck stops short. As I'm grabbing my bag I hear a voice. It's only a tiny voice and I barely hear it. "Hi" I turn and there's a boy standing beside me.He looks a little older than me but he's so quiet. "Hi." I say back as I pull my hood over my head. I look at him he's clad in black like me. His hair is jet-black and in a cute Zan type of hairstyle. "Why'd you put your hood on?" He looks at me with green-grey eyes that look almost childlike. " Um, Sorry it's a habit." I say still looking him over. "Oh ok, well I was wondering...do you want to...um maybe sometime we could..do you want to study sometime?" I must've looked shocked cause he immediately said "Sorry i'll leave."

Answer 3

and started walking away . "No! no, it's just no one has asked me that before." I look away and he says "That's ok..i've never asked anyone. End of Chapter 1

Answer 4

START OF CHAPTER 2 I get home and go to the kitchen to grab a snack. I can't stop thinking about that guy. What had he said his name was? Antonio? Anthony? I can't remember. There was something about him. He wasn't exactly cute.His ears were kind of big and his nose was slightly crooked. My crush,Jake, looked way better. Jake is perfect. I smile to myself as I grab a bag of Takis and head to my room. I immediately get on my computer to go on Openstudy for homework help. I put on one of my favorite songs ,Teenagers by MCR, and go into study mode. I see my friend Aryanna is on but i can't focus.I'm sidetracked thinking about that guy. Maybe he was a Jock playing a stupid prank. Maybe Megan set him to this. I can just see her laughing at me.

Answer 5

@alesia/bailey @horsegirl27 @demonchild99 @~cuddle_monster~ @I_Always_Smiling @Mesopretty

Answer 6

I like it ^.^ It's very good!

Answer 7

thanks @I_Always_Smiling

Answer 8

omg so awesome! I'm so glad you're making it a book! this is so great! Keep writing!

Answer 9

Thanks @horsegirl27 I will keep writing now that I know that someone enjoys my writing I ended up showing my mom and she said nothing at all...well..thats just how it is i guess

Answer 10

That's too bad... but I LOVE it! So keep writing!! She just doesn't appreciate great writing I guess :)

Answer 11

lol i guess not but thanks @horsegirl27 and @Baby_Bear69 if your coming back will you take a look at this?

Answer 12

yeah

Answer 13

Chapter 1 ending = perfection

Answer 14

I agree!!!!

Answer 15

Haha thank you @mathrulezz and @horsegirl27

Answer 16

You're welcome :D

Answer 17

@horsegirl27 im already on chapter 3 and im going to write more :)

Answer 18

Yay! That's great!!

Answer 19

THAT A GREAT STORY @koolkat13

Answer 20

thank you @RainbowBrony555 im still writing i just finished chapter 4

Answer 21

Hey @horsegirl27 and @RainbowBrony555 and @k_lynn and @I_Always_Smiling do you guys think i should to the first 4 chapters from Sara's point of view and then 4 chapters from the guys point of view and so on?

Answer 22

@Jamierox4ev3r check out my book?

Answer 23

@LeilaJudeh

Answer 24

It's great like always @koolkat13 :) And it's up to you. I think it'd be cool if you did the entire book in Sara's POV, but it's your choice.

Answer 25

cool ill just do it in sara's POV then @k_lynn

Answer 26

okie doke. Good luck on writing your story.

Answer 27

thanks @k_lynn :)

Answer 28

yw :)

Answer 29

I like it in just sara's POV. You could make another book from the boy's point of view and have his story up until he meets Sara

Answer 30

Nice. I agree with @k_lynn

Answer 31

yea i had decided to stay using sara's POV @77777jeannie77777 and @horsegirl27

Answer 32

good. I like that plan

Answer 33

lol :) @horsegirl27

Answer 34

:P

Answer 35

Do you have the next part started yet @koolkat13? If so could you post here? I really want to read it!

Answer 36

yea im just starting on chapter 6 but to be honest i think i might be digressing like i think it is getting worse as i keep going @horsegirl27

Answer 37

You thought your other writing was bad. and it's not! Don't doubt yourself! Can you post it here so we can help?

Answer 38

sure but it might take a while...@horsegirl27

Answer 39

@horsegirl27

Answer 40

ok

Answer 41

well let me open a fresh question and ill put it on there @horsegirl27

Answer 42

sure