Question

i have a short i wrote for creative writing, anyone care to take a look and give me comments?

Answer 1

ok what is it?

Answer 2

@dennese13

Answer 3

What is it @dennese13 ?

Answer 4

...

Answer 5

i gasped for which could've been the very last breath i take. i clawed my way out of the hole to try and resurface. the debris filled atmosphere consumed the air that was supposed to take up the space in my lungs. it didn't matter anymore. i was practically a corpse, rotting away. all that mattered was to utter my last grievance unto the only one of us who had a chance to live. i inched myself closer to stammer the words unto the poor soul who was our only hope. i opened my mouth to verbalize the arrangement of what was in store. then the strangest thing happened. when i had parted my lips, only a whisper of a sound escaped. what had replaced the brittle sound i expected, was one of a body dropping dead to the floor.

Answer 6

@77777jeannie77777 @RainbowBrony555

Answer 7

Nice...... very intense

Answer 8

Beautiful story! :)

Answer 9

Just correct your grammar a little and it will turn out perfect :)

Answer 10

thank you both! can you point out some places where i could correct? @77777jeannie77777

Answer 11

Ok, for example, don't put a period here: away. all
Also, capitalize everything that needs it like the letter I

Answer 12

:) hope I helped!!

Answer 13

Keep up the good work ;)

Answer 14

thank you! and thank you for your help!

Answer 15

You're welcome;)

Answer 16

It's very well written. Lot's of suspense involved. I'd take @77777jeannie77777 's advice. Proofread it a little bit and you'll have yourself an A+ :D

Answer 17

To be honest you need to fix the grammatical mistakes, and punctuation. Try to stray away from using the same word more than once. You don't want the reader to become bored relatively fast. You want to keep the same attention from the beginning to the end. It was good, not bad.