Question

OK i have to write a poem about someone who committed suicide ...i just want to know if its good or too harsh

Answer 1

When I die don't ask how or why. Who when or where . Just know I talked and no one listened.Everyone seemed not to care . "Get over it" they cried as I sat in the corner just wondering how many days I can bare this . Life sucks when no one listens to your cry's .I just walk in shame as I passed by who listened and didn't tell . When I see myself I imagined what could I do to make it better? Is it that easy to forget what we had ,what we shared. I guess so . I just wanted know who cared.I guess not because it is time to go.

Answer 2

hmmm...i think its a bit to harsh and emotional ;-;

Answer 3

Wel, for suicide, that can be a very harsh and emotional topic. There is a lot of anger involved.

Answer 4

so is it bad ........do i need to take something out @e.mccormick @pooja195

Answer 5

its not bad but is there a certain topic you have to fit this in?

Answer 6

Poetry is about flow, cadence. Have you worked if there is any writim to this?

Answer 7

No i have to write a poem to raise suicide awareness . About someone who is suicidal

Answer 8

i think this would fit then :) just a little too harsh but...it fits

Answer 9

@chainedecho @bella76 @DullJackel09

Answer 10

@sleepyjess

Answer 11

@k12andstudyislandhelp

Answer 12

@ispike

Answer 13

It fits your topic view. So i do agree with that. But overall, the harshness is OVERWHELMING, so your good, i guess. And, i kind of like it (not the suicide part though) The harshness.

Answer 14

..lol i feel so mean everyone saying its harsh

Answer 15

It's not that harsh

Answer 16

It's a good harsh

Answer 17

oh ok thanks ! @k12andstudyislandhelp

Answer 18

OK

Answer 19

Personally as someone whose been to that breaking point I don't think its too harsh. I know people attemped and I have friends have been close. This isn't harsh this is honesty. Sometimes when your writing you push boundaries in order to set the truth free. I would seperate the lines a little more because it just looks like a paragraph rather a poem. Also if youre trying to create awareness than try adding more. I feel like you're repeating the same thought. When your at this point (I don't know if you ever have) your mind won't stop spinning its revolving around all these thoughts of negitivity and you even feel like you're going crazy. You feel like your talking to walls rather than people. I would like to see more figurative language and thoughts. Those just suggestions you could how it is and that would be fine a well. But don't jake away parts than try to cover up the honesty and that's not creating aweness that's giving entirely different illusion. Suicide should be a discomforting topic if it's not than you've failed as a writer. So people saying it's too harsh...well think of it as discomfort instead.