Question

Hey guys! I'm a Wattpad author of a new novel called Ella , she's a skinny kinda dorky girl that comes from a family of models. The story takes place her senior year, when she sorta starts to break out of her shell (or rebreak?). I'm still working on Ch 3 so if you could give me some feed back I'd really appreciate it :)


http://www.wattpad.com/story/33298636-ella

Answer 1

if you wouldent mind posting it on here I cant look at wattpad right now

Answer 2

its like really long hun its like a legit novel :0

Answer 3

let me see if I can find chapter one, its copy righted so i dont mind :)

Answer 4

ok thankies

Answer 5

CH 1

You'd think with a mother who was Miss California 1969 and a father who modeled for every fashion magazine before my time, that I ,Ella Matcher ,would have a bit more interest in a high school lifestyle. I could care less. Well maybe a little. What do I care for even ? 
"Ella ,baby, do you have to use that horrible rolling backpack ? You're the only one in school to have one." Mom says while painting her nails on the marble kitchen counter.
She knows I'm not strong enough to carry all the books for my AP classes. 
"I can't carry all these books mom you know that." I tuck my AP Space Science book into my bag.
"Yeah but your senior year is almost over. Why don't you at least try ? I just know how cruel those girls can be in high school."
What part of 'I am too weak' does she not understand.
You can see my collar bones popping out and my legs can barley support me to lift a chair. "I'm fine, thanks. I love you." I'm half way out the door before she can protest again. I see a line of cars in front of my house, just like every other weekday. Considering I only live a block away from my school, traffic drags out a few blocks.
I begin to walk and analyze the passengers in the cars out of the corner of my eye. Everyone my age has a car and God knows we can afford it but I don't go out and I can walk to school. Mom and dad insist but so do I. I turn the corner to see the big, ugly maroon sign that reads in big white letters "MILTON LEE HIGH SCHOOL". Don't get me wrong I love going to school, a lot actually. I'm just not a fan of human interaction with people my age. I don't even feel like they're my age (or maybe I'm not their age). Their minds are so... bland. Parties, drinking, popularity. No one is going to remember you after you walk out those doors on the last day of school, high school is not the time to try so hard and worry about who's fluttering who. Excuse my language. 

Sitting in my usual desk in the front in first period, Kaylen Kravits to my left and Andrew Francis to my right. I guess you can say Andrew is my best friend, only because I've literally known him since the womb. 
Okay not literally but pretty close. We were born on the exact same day, same hospital, in the same room but I'm 1 minute older. The hospital was so crowded that day they didn't have a choice, only a thin blue sheet separating our mothers screams. Andrew's  mom thankfully has been my moms best friend since they were 17 and met at a photoshoot for Balenciaga, so they were comfortable with each other (we're still convinced they planned to conceive on the same day). I personally don't like to get close to people but with Andrew I don't really have a choice and I don't mind. 
"You know how I'm going to Tahoe this weekend ?" his dark golden eyes fixed on my face. I'm beginning the essay that was assigned on the board so I don't look up. 
"Mhm?" I still don't look up. 
" Well momma Francis said I can bring a friend and I have soo many friends to choose from," 
"Not." I look up and giggle at him but I go right back to writing. 
"I know it was sarcasm. Well are you down to come with us?" the hope in his voice lingered and I know it's because he doesn't want to third wheel his mom and her new boyfriend. 
"Well I do have that paper due for Creative Writing." I tease. 
"Liar, you finished it yesterday during lunch and it's not even due till next Friday." he nudges my shoulder. 
"Please Ella? I'm begging you. Mom says she has some news for me and I don't wanna face it alone. I think Ryan wants to propose." 
"That's big ! You should be happy for her." 
"I am but it'd be weird to have a new dad." 
Andrew's dad died in a car accident 3 years ago, the first day of his freshman year. How do I comfort his words ? He's right it would be weird to have another dad. I can't imagine anyone but Samuel Blue Matcher being my father. 
I've been in my thoughts for too long, I can tell Andrew is waiting for some sort of word blanket to ease him.
"Take it day by day. She's happy with him we all see it." that's it? I'm so lame this is why I don't "do" friends. 
Class goes on and so does the day, pretty quickly thankfully. Now I needed to get home  and scavenge for clothes I can layer to replace the body fat I don't have and cover my long, awkward legs and torso. As I'm almost turning into my house, a car horn behind me makes me jump. I don't like loud noises. 
"Hey Ella !" A familiar, obnoxious voice yells.
I turn to meet eyes with the driver of a silver Mercedes. Adaleigh Benson (Addie for short). Queen of , well, blandness. 
"You know I know a guy who can get you some sick spinning rims for that back pack of yours." Her passenger lets out a loud roar that I think was supposed to be a laugh but sounded more like a congested cuckoo clock, I can't make out who it is but I'm sure it's Megan Kravitz. 
I don't bother you , I don't speak to you, why must you bother me. 
"I'll trade you my number for a great gynecologist for that rim guy." I spit.
I can defend myself, verbally at least.
She sped off and I could tell she was pissed. My hand shook as I reached for the door knob.
When Addie was a sophomore, rumor has it, she let a guy on the football team go "down on her". And it "looked off" he claimed. He left her there half drunk when she tried to push his head down into it.  Hence why I offered her the number for a gynecologist, which I don't have because I've never gone. Why would I want cold hands touching me down there ? No thanks. 
"Ella?" I hear dad calling from the movie room. Our very large, unnecessary movie room. "Yeah I'm home. Did you eat? " 
"Waiting for you Cinderella!" His voice echoes through the halls as I unzip my bag and set my binder on the kitchen counter. 
"What are you in the mood for Cinderella?" his voice came around the corner and startled me. His thin, fit figure doesn't exactly fit the father stereotype. Legally, my name is Cinderella. Only my mom, dad and Andrew know this and I don't plan on anyone else finding out.
"Ella, dad. Just Ella. Past 18 years it's been Ella." I lightly snapped. 
"Don't bite my head off now, you know it's out of love. Pizza ?" 
So boring, so generic but it is Friday so sure. 

"Yeah I'll order it, while I do that can you get some thicker winter stuff ? I'm going to Tahoe this weekend with Andrew." I pick up the house phone and start dialing. 
"Sounds great! I'll be right back then !" he sounds way more excited than me, probably because I'm actually leaving this town and being social for the first time in my life. I could ask my parents to go anywhere and they'd say yes in a heartbeat if it meant their daughter was socializing. 
After we finish our pizza, dad brings the big plastic box piled with dust into my room.
My walls are white and my bed covers are light blue, no pictures on the wall except for the one lone painting my cousin Dori made when she was 8. She would be 11 next week. The cancer got the better of her. I'll tell you, I've seen pessimistic at its best and this little girl was the sunshine of everyone's life. Anywhere she entered she radiated pure happiness and optimism. How everyone should be. 
"You good here kid ?" Dad grunts as he puts the box down next to my bed.
"Yeah thanks." 
The door slams a little louder than usual causing me to jump a bit. I remove the blue plastic cap from the container and the smell of packed clothes and dust punch me in the face. 
How gross, if I'm wearing anything from in here I'll have to wash it. Twice.

My allergies cause me to sneeze during my endeavor through old flannels, coats and thermals. I find a few scarfs that are a bit beat up. Almost everything in here is free stuff that mom and dad got during shoots when they were younger so that means everything was designer. Chanel, Versace, Donna Karen, Calvin Klein. Anything you can think of. Of course this means nothing to me because I could care less about brands.
God this box never ends. 
The only thing sorta decent is this black jacke...wait what's that? 

I pull through a beaded ugly beanie and catch a speck of gold surrounded by red fabric. I pull through the depressing colors, harder than I've ever pulled before.
This jacket is beautiful, wow. How could mom not want this? It's so her. I check the tag and see its Ralph Lauren. A cherry red coat, 2 rows of parallel golden buttons race down vertically and the black cuffs at the end of the sleeves have one big golden button on each side. I need to try this on. Of course it'd give my mother some sense of pride that I'm wearing something from this century. Well this is old school but apparently that's in now. 
The sleeves cover perfect right over my wrists, the fabric is warm and toasty on the outside and inside. The bottom reaches a little bit before my knees. I look in the mirror and almost gasp at the sight of this stranger. I've never worn a color so bold and bright. I usually wear jeans and whatever t-shirt I can find. I feel different, good almost. Like if I walked in the street right now traffic would stop and the world would stop spinning, just for me. 
The contrast of my golden blonde hair mixes so nicely with the red. I look like my mom. So much like her I never noticed. But with dad's thick eyebrows. 
I hear a knock on the door and long sandy hair cascades into my room. 
"Ella?" she scans the room and gasps when she sees what I'm wearing. 
"Mom this jacket is so nice." I feel almost guilty letting those words leave my mouth. 
"How did you...where did you find that?" 
Her hands are all over the collar and she's brushing it off so delicately. A big smile is on her face now and her eyes are a little watery. 
"Why are you crying you weirdo?" I grab her hands to stop the fluffing while I unbutton it. 
"I thought I lost that years ago. That's the jacket I wore the day I met your dad." 
She sat at the edge of my bed now. I swear she fits the teenager title more than I do, her outfits always up to date.
You see, my mom gets booked a lot even now because she has nothing fake. She's naturally thin but she works out to get “toned”, she has perky big breast, she's never had them done(I get mine from her, I think they're a sin.) ,her nose starts from her forehead and does a perfect curve upwards at the end, she’s never had it done, and her eyes are a rich emerald. I got dad's nose and thankfully he has a good straight nose but my eyes are dark brown, like dad too.
"I'll give it back to you then." I hand it to her. 
"Nope ! It did it's time with me. I wore that jacket for 2 months straight when your father and I started dating. Plus it's -2 in Tahoe right now. You'll need it more than I do." 
A wave of relief washes over me just for the sole reason that it's the warmest jacket I've ever tried on and with -2 degrees I'll be hypothermic the second I step out of the car without it. 
"Thanks mom I really appreciate it." she gives me a long hug and kisses my forehead.  She ducks out of my room and I felt a little sadness in the air. Don't do it Ella. Ella no. Ugh,crap. 
"Hey mom?" I almost whisper, secretly hoping she didn't hear me. "Yeah?" She stops before the door closes and pops her head back in.
I look down and hook the carpet with my toes, hard.
" Do you want to help me pack ?" I just handed her the whole world.
Nothing my mom loves more than permission to dress someone up. I know the bag I'd pack would be filled with all the wrong clothes for the weather. Also I know she's going to pack a majority of the clothes she doesn't wear anymore.
 
"Let me get some stuff from my closet. Here come with me!" she tugs on my wrist so hard I swear she sprained it. I've never seen her so excited.
We cross her long bedroom and she opens the big heavy door that leads to her mall of a closet. If I had any girl friends they'd faint at the sight of it. It's big. And it's rather red. With black details. It’s an entire room. She has everything sectioned out by brands. The top hangers are always for shirts and blouses, bottom hangers poking out with furry big coats she never wears. I guarantee you that every brand name has at least 5 fur coats and mom had 8 of each. 
"Ok so, I spoke to Dawn. She says you guys will be attending a party there, very fancy so a dress maybe ? Long sleeves ? You only have one dress. And it's too immature to wear to a big corporate party like that." 
Now there’s a party? I don’t go to parties. I didn’t even go to my own party this year.
Now I know what you’re thinking but I had a good reason ! I had 4 papers due the next day I couldn't just not do it.
“A party mom?” I fall back onto the closet’s oversized bean bag, which is the size of a king bed.
“I know you think you’re not social but you’re my daughter and I talk to everyone. I know it’s in you somewhere.”
Yeah, in the blackest abyss of my soul, mom.

Well I’m going on this trip with fancy people. I might as well look the part.
And she's right, I didn't only have 1 dress. A long black one with hideous black rhinestones on the straps. I've worn it twice. Once to my cousin Dori's funeral, once to Andrew's dad's funeral. I don't think I'd want to wear that ever again.
“Well let me dig for some older stuff in the back.”
She noticed I was upset now. I feel bad that I brought down the mood but she's back with a smile on her face in no time.

“Ok so these are from when I was 2 years older than you. I’d guess you’re kinda at a size 2 now?” she lays down 4 dress in front of me with matching heels.

“Oh no ! I refuse. No heels. No. Never. No.” I cross my twig arms.
I’m a 5 foot 9 girl with long skinny legs, I know for a fact I’d fall face first on my second step.

“You’ve never worn heels, Ella! How would you know. Come on just try.”
I’ve come this far. I will TRY them on and that’s it !
I disappear into the bathroom across from the closet. I hang up the dresses in front of me. I guess the yellow one first.
This is ridicules how can anyone walk in this. If I even think to bend over I’d give the whole place a damn show.
I walk out to show mom and her face is pleased. Beyond, actually.
“Ella you look so beautiful.” I swear she's about to cry again.
“Alright next one.” I run out quick before the water works start.
Dark blue next.
Wow. This one. I like this, a lot. It covers my breast perfectly until right under my collar bone line. Its a little over my knees. It’s velvet. I really love velvet.
It’ll be way too short. Wait won’t I be cold? Wait again, why is my back freezing right now.
I turn around to look at my back. It’s opened down to my butt. I can’t believe I didn't see the zipper on this thing. I can't seem to find it.

“Hey momma can you come zip me up please?”
The knob turns and she laughs her sweet, playful laugh.
“Oh honey.” she smiles.
“What?” I raise my eyebrow. I’m pretty sure I didn't see the zipper, is it right there?

“It has no zipper, silly. That’s how the dress is !” she adjusts the back.

Is she insane ?! I look like a hooker !

“This is it this is the one. You’re going to be the elephant in the room. In a good way though.” she looks like a proud mother. I’ve never seen her look at me that way. I mean I know she's been proud of me many times but this time her eyes are sparkling.
It would crush her if I said no.

“But my legs, they'll be freezing.” I try to make up an excuse.

“Tights. You wear black tights and I have heels that are boots, and they have fleece inside so you'll be nice and warm.” she just dodged my rejection ,whoa.
I’m too overwhelmed to speak.
“Do you want me to pack for you? You should go to bed you guys are leaving early tomorrow.”
I nod my head and mom kisses my forehead.
Laying tucked in bed now, every thought in the world goes through my mind
.
I never thought I’d give into it. I mean I am 18 now. I guess this could be a little experiment ? But what if I like it and I turn into a bland. Why did I even agree to this? It’s just one weekend Ella. You got this.

Answer 6

oh crap idk what all those thingies are

Answer 7

:000

Answer 8

jk its normal now

Answer 9

it seems like a amazing novel just not my style im more into fantasy or genetically engineered kind of stuff but this is great for people who like realistic life books

Answer 10

i actually have another novel thats a fanfiction but its all fantasy stuff Ill link you to that one as well I think you'd enjoy it :)

Answer 11

its one direction but it barley focuses on that, it focuses more on the fantasy

Answer 12

alright sound good to me :3

Answer 13

Umm, let's see. Grammar had some errors, but I have an annoying tendency to pick up on that. Also, I don't like the use of the "language" in chapter 1 and then no where else. That makes it inconsistent, a little bit (actually, I'm really not that keen on uses of that kind of language in any context, especially if it's the narrator, not a character talking. I can understand if it's a character; it makes the narrator look unprofessional). I also rather enjoy the point of view that Ella takes on society. Its rather refreshing.

Answer 14

Like you mean cussing ??

Answer 15

and @MinightTheWolfie heres the wattpad link for Mind Games !

http://www.wattpad.com/story/11550964-mind-games

Answer 16

@geneticrockhopper247 you mean cussing wise ?

Answer 17

yep

Answer 18

lright ill make sure to read it!

Answer 19

It's targeted for a more immature audience in the sense that like since its my first "serious" novel, I'm trying to dumb it down sorta, I can't use big words to coat "pellet" and such you know what I mean?

Answer 20

** sh**

Answer 21

hate how it says pellet in stead of shiz sometimes

Answer 22

hahaha yeah i just realized that i was like wth i didnt say that

Answer 23

lol right lie wat the hell <--seeing if itll say haill

Answer 24

oopes I didn't think iw would say hell OH CRAPES im sorry

Answer 25

yeah, I get your meaning. Like I said, if it's in dialogue, then it's fine (by my standards of professionality). I just don't like it if it's not in the character's dialogue or thoughts. If the narrator is telling the reader that, then I think it's a bit unprofessional because it is the writer's job to show, not tell, so that the reader can paint a better picture in their head.

Answer 26

I say crapes instead of crap btw :3

Answer 27

so I don't say crap on here or around kids you can say CRAPES

Answer 28

@geneticrockhopper247 I have NEVER thought of it in that way before. Thats brilliant !

Answer 29

lmao !! this site is great

Answer 30

IKR!!!

Answer 31

I like what I've read on here so far. I'll have to search for it on Wattpad, and I'll be sure to comment, and follow you.

Answer 32

thank you love ! @typicalwhitegirl

Answer 33

So far so good. I don't really have time to keep up with unfinished Wattpad books but I like where this is heading, so when you finish it (if you remember this one random kid) can you send me a message on Wattpad? I'd really appreciate it.
WP: @RayneCheck

Answer 34

@kennedii absolulety !