Question

someone correct my intro of my argumentative essay.

Answer 1

my argumentative essay is about that technology makes us feel lonley

Answer 2

can someone correct my introduction making it more obvious that technology makes us feel lonely

Answer 3

Mind Copy & pasting it? it wont load.

Answer 4

Im here and ready.

Answer 5

In our modernized world today, technological devices became an essential part in our life and it made global communication possible, as it connects us to people around the world, it fills up the gap between us and our loved ones who are far away from us. So, how could this possibly make us feel more alone? People created technological devices such as cellphones, computers, laptops, iPads and many more so that we could stay connected. Based on what is happening now, “people become more uncomfortable talking to someone face-to-face. According to Melnick 2011”(38). Instead of taking to someone face to face it is more of indirect communication, as technology “excluded the use of body language, voice tune, eye contact” and most importantly expressing your feelings (7). People prefer to talk online and send messages because “they can control how long it takes for them to respond, leaving out the awkwardness of the sudden silence people make during face-to-face conversation” (39). The use of technology, social networking and social media sites makes us feel more loved and identified by world, but actually it makes us feel lonelier because we do not spend real face-to-face conversations with the outside world. Thus people ignore their feeling of being lonely so they have a greater desire to use online chatting which is distracting their feelings, which may result into many disadvantages such as depression and loneliness.

Answer 6

here you go

Answer 7

That is your entire intro?

Answer 8

yes

Answer 9

Hmm.

Answer 10

Give me about 5 mins.

Answer 11

but i didn't know how to show that im on the side that technology makes us feel lonely

Answer 12

i have to show it clearly that im on this side

Answer 13

Change Ipads to Tablets iPads are made by Apple.

Answer 14

“people become more uncomfortable talking to someone face-to-face. According to Melnick 2011”(38). you missed a quotqation mark.

Answer 15

Can you see where you missed it?

Answer 16

“people become more uncomfortable talking to someone face-to-face. According to Melnick 2011”(38).

Answer 17

no where ?

Answer 18

“people become more uncomfortable talking to someone face-to-face. it goes right here

Answer 19

“people become more uncomfortable talking to someone face-to-face."

Answer 20

no we have to quote the whole paragraph

Answer 21

Thats how it should be, other than those 2 mistakes it is perfect in my opinion ^.^

Answer 22

Aaah.

Answer 23

right?

Answer 24

So 7.5/10 Good job.

Answer 25

but do u understand what is my essay about

Answer 26

why 7.5 can u tell me what to change

Answer 27

Yes how the technology is making everyone feel lonley and "desperate".

Answer 28

yup cause someone told me that he doesn't understand what my essay is about

Answer 29

Oh, ive only seen the Intro when ive seen the whole thing and i love it ill give it its full rating. (I was rating it 7.5 just from that parragraph + the ratings of the other paragraphs it might reach 10/10)

Answer 30

can u please help me add stuff on this paragraph

Answer 31

i don't know what to add more it has to be longer

Answer 32

@MLGgamer

Answer 33

One of the reasons that it makes us feel lonelier is that it “creates a bubble that keeps you isolated from real human contact and real human interaction”(3). Thus it reduces the quality of face-to-face communication. Whenever people ignore their feeling of loneliness it becomes more painful they decide social networking to break the pain of loneliness

Answer 34

@k_lynn

Answer 35

@BlossomCake