Question

poem critic give thoughts.

Please be honest u saying its good and not critiquing is only enabling me and not bettering me as a writer

Answer 1

I could have made a sound
And formed a title wave
But it seems like all that does is collapse a few houses
And kill a few people
Or parts of myself.
So I’m drifting in anger.
Suspense is festering
And I’m just waiting for a pebble to start the wave
Crashing and bending
But for now I’m stuck here masking the water
Pretending I’m not sinking
Pretending I’m not here.
Because a word is betrayal
And a thought is mutiny
A fire is the enemy
And a soul is left alone to die.
A heart crumbled and soaked until numb.
Breathing in riddles
And speaking with my tongue tied.
I am alone in a voice of waves that never reach the shore.

Answer 2

@leahhhmorgannn @teresar7 @TheWaffleBRO @baller398 @FallenAngelQueen @nbarrera @amberosales @lillygirl521 @chycora @AmberAlexis

Answer 3

@sugarplum15 @Babynini @rvc

Answer 4

not bad. i like it!

Answer 5

I like it.

Answer 6

yeah
liked it
keep it up :)

Answer 7

Awesome

Answer 8

if you guys think its bad or needs work please be honest with me i wouldnt be posting on here if i didnt want critcs

Answer 9

@sugarplum15 @rvc @teresar7 thanks

if u guys didnt like it or thought something needed work please let me know and be honest

Answer 10

@nbarrera thanks

Answer 11

I am being honest, I'm just tired from all the testing and such.

Answer 12

i am too!

Answer 13

@sugarplum15 lol okay

Answer 14

@teresar7 lol okay

Answer 15

@CuriousQuestions @lillygirl521 @horsegirl27

Answer 16

I like it!

Answer 17

i like it 2

Answer 18

it is very sad but i like it.

Answer 19

I really like it, especially the metaphor "A word is betrayal/and a thought is mutiny." That was wonderful.

Answer 20

I really like this! Sorry I'm not being very helpful, but I'm so tired. I don't think you need to change anything.

Answer 21

Gorgeous, very deep.
I'm so happy you're open to growing!! There were a few things I noticed:

1) "Suspense is festering" hmm..suspense is a feeling, i'm not sure that it can fester. Who is feeling this suspense? "my suspense is festering" or perhaps if you mean the ambient you could say "the ambient strung in growing suspense"
it's just a little foggy :)

2)"And a soul is left alone to die.
A heart crumbled and soaked until numb. <---a little random from your train of thought
Breathing in riddles"

who's heart? the lines above and below are perfect i'm not sure what this is doing here, again, a little vague. Try this:

"A fire is the enemy
and a soul is left alone to die.
A heart crumbles and soaks until it becomes numb..."

^--(I just changed it to present tense because the lines before it are present tense)

Answer 22

@babynini thank you so much