Question

I have thoroughly assured myself that this has a million flaw's in it that I quite honestly do not know how to fix.
The concept I was aiming towards was basically you cannot have good without bad first, because you'll never know what good is in the first place.
But honestly, I'm hopeless. I need some serious critiquing on this.

Answer 1

WHAT IS WITHOUT

Strange is it
that I may write or even ask
of questions rare,
yet within answer
by a blinding but curious grasp

Stranger yet is it,
that I wonder what is without
even in all matters
beyond the cowardly
skirts of doubt.

Or more so even this -
What is truth without a lie
lest you get caught
with a red hand
in which you can never hide.

Nevertheless, further even -
What is humility without conceit?
Ha! Your blessed narcissism,
what does it profit
besides the rotten beast of selfish deceit?

Nay, just one second more -
What is good without bad?
For alone
you must have a bitter
before a sweet to understand...
the lesson's of the poor before the rich,
and even death before life.

Yes,
Since at some time
we must decide
to be of the wise or the foolish.

Answer 2

I'd have to say, based on serious critique that I do not see any flaws in this. Whilst reading it it actually hit me. Nice work!

Answer 3

That's a bit surprising. Thank you!
I dunno, I've had the worst day today and I wrote this and I guess my confidence in it just is not there. But that helps. Thank you :) @e_c19957

Answer 4

@Atsie I understand, sometimes the worst of days can't make people think properly. Definitely well written. No problem :)

Answer 5

Thank you again! :)

Answer 6

@Atsie Anytime. :)

Answer 7

I dont see any flaws either

Answer 8

Thank you Joann @JoannThomas :)
Also, welcome to OpenStudy!

Answer 9

Yeah Same! I don't see any flaws

And Good Job Atsie ^-^ :)

Answer 10

Not to sound ghetto here, but......for real!?
Seriously, thank you @Awolflover1 so much!

Answer 11

@tanner23456
I'm extremely curious to know your thoughts. :)
Be brutal, I don't mind.

Answer 12

@Atsie This is beautiful !!!! well written quite profound....

Answer 13

Why is everyone shocking me? @bellezabrilla
Thank you so much! That's very nice of you.

Answer 14

No prob !! @Atsie

Answer 15

What a lovely piece of writing Astie. It's very well written as well as filling for the soul. Whether there are flaws or not (none that I have seen) just remember that flaws are the most beautiful thing. Keep up the good work Atsie! @Atsie

Answer 16

I agree that flaw's are beautiful, but not when it comes to poetry, or lyrical writing, or even music. But maybe I'm the idiot of a skeptic in that sense.
You made me smile though. Thank you! I appreciate you taking the time to comment. :) @Pinkybottom67

Answer 17

You're very welcome! I always enjoy looking at other's work. It helps me with my writing as well.

Answer 18

I didn't know you wrote. :) I would love to see some of your works. @Pinkybottom67

Answer 19

@Atsie you wrote it O.O <333

Answer 20

Yes, I did :)

Answer 21

Wow you have a talent there i can see<333

Answer 22

Aw, come awn! <3
I'm ordinary. You should see Shakespeare!

Answer 23

WOW well done ! That was really good, keep it up :)

Answer 24

*-*
Yus
@Atsie
Beautiful *-*

Answer 25

Thank you both very much! @YoungStudier @itsarchi

Answer 26

I'm gonna try and find a flaw... e.e Since no one said there are any flaws. :P

This way it will help you do better in the future! :)

Answer 27

Wow. I am sorry but I can't find any flaws. I thought I saw 1 but re-read it and realized there are none. Nice job, @Atsie! :)

And Grammar on point! ;P

Answer 28

@jabez177
That is really appreciated :) Thank you for taking the time to look at it!

Answer 29

I love it, but don't forget commas at the end of the lines, for a pause. Other than that good job!

Answer 30

I kept forgetting to get back to you on this one. Probably because it's well done and there's not much to correct. Some thoughts were worded in strange ways but it sort of fit the tone, so no complaints from me. Also, I love the message portrayed. Well done.

Answer 31

This was good!!!! :) I don't see any flaws

Answer 32

@MissMeow
Thank you. :)
And...as a sidenote, I couldn't help but admire your username.
I'm a sucker for adorable cats. :)
Anyways, thanks.

Answer 33

@tanner23456
I actually wondered if you ever got my tag, but I didn't want to push myself.
Thank you though for remembering, and for commenting! I feel better :)

Answer 34

And thank you as well @bigpapa1 :)

Answer 35

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I love this! :D
I think the concept was portrayed really well. Your word choice is great too! Words like 'conceit' and 'deceit' go together so perfectly. I would've never thought of that. XD
I don't have much critique but maybe an oxymoron would be cool to add in somewhere? :)
OVERALL YOU DID AN AMAZING JOB. If you think that has a lot of flaws I can only imagine what you would say about my writing.... o_o
lol

Answer 36

@ayeedomo
Alyssa, thank you so much!
I'm surprised you say that about those two words going well together. I actually thought in that part, that I had over did it by doing that.
And that's a nice suggestion, about the oxymoron. :)
Usually in writing, I tend to be pithy and tight on my words but free-flowing in my figure's of speech and metaphor's.
But thank you though for the uplifting words.
Hah, well why don't you let have a stab at one of your writings? I'm a through critiqu-er both negatively and positively - (so I'm told anyways :P)

Answer 37

You're welcome! :D
Well, I have a story I'm writing.. If you ever have some extra time I could use your input:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/20929035-some-call-me-a-thief-being-rewritten

I've rewritten and re-uploaded the first couple chapters but I know there's still a whole lot of stuff that can be changed XD

Answer 38

Wow, its been forever since I've critiqued stories or novel's. I may be a bit rusty in that department
But I am unable to access your story because I don't have a Wattpad account.
Is there any other way I can read it?

Answer 39

hmmmm hang on a second

Answer 40

Alright girly - @ayeedomo ,
I have set everything aside today including schoolwork, socializing, and even my own editing for my stuff and solely focused on your story.
I critiqued all four chapter's. I hope I was of some help :)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1efJfXBH6k5g_egQt6zWaTsyIpmHBWEU3IDBR-sR8BpQ/edit?usp=sharing

Answer 41

Awww thank you so much!! ^o^

Answer 42

No problem :)

Answer 43

It's beautiful (: I like it a lot, the language you use makes it seem like it could be on a page next to like, Edgar Allen Poe. Really good job.

Answer 44

@kelsey.benton00
Woahh!
That was a compliment and a half.
Thank you. That really made my day! :)

Answer 45

@Ms-Brains
This is one that hopefully may go into that book I was talking about.

Answer 46

This is beautiful! <3
I didn't see any flaws, add it to the book as is. ^u^
You are a wonderful writer!

Answer 47

Thank you @Ms-Brains , thats very kind of you ♥