Question

Hello! Would anyone care to peer-review my descriptive essay? I'd really appreciate some input. (:

Answer 1

How to Cure Crazy
My heart felt sore as I drove to Portland in my big red truck. I felt sorry for myself knowing I had to go back to the mental institution, but after two years my close friend had landed back under lockdown. It’s uncomfortable to be there for her when she’s lost in her own mind, but sick people cannot heal without someone caring for them.
Dirt flurried around me as I made my way through the nearly empty parking lot. The gut wrenching sound of a women’s cry lengthened my stride. As I walked I could see the women being led by police officers to the hospital. The terror on her face made me cautious to enter the building. I’ve been here before but I have yet to get past the anxiety that comes with entering the building. I made my way through the narrow halls until I reached the glass box in the wall where a sweet lady in green scrubs asked me to part with any sharp or potentially harmful objects before seeing my friend. She then pressed a button to open the doors of the loony bin. Inside there were about four other patients playing cards or watching movies. I stood still in attempt to figure out what the rooms thick, sickening smell was from. My friend, Marie skipped out of her room in her blue scrubs. I quickly hugged her, and while I was happy to see her so giddy, it felt like I was hugging a stranger. We sat down at a table in the public area and started attempting to make small talk, but Marie would much rather discuss the infidelity of both her husband and the government. As she talked she held her belly, she would occasionally pause the conversation to ask if I’d like to feel the baby kicking. I hesitantly sat my hand on her nearly flat stomach, I could see in her face she truly thought he was still with her. I tried to play along to avoid upsetting her, she wouldn’t believe me if I reminded her that the child that made her world beautiful had died. She spoke so enthuiasticly about what she thought her son would be like after birth, if he would look more like her or his father, and what he would think of his cobalt blue nursery (baby blue wasn’t unique enough for this child). I smiled as she expressed her excitement but as she chattered I couldn’t help but get lost in my memory of when her baby was actually born. He was every bit as beautiful as she expected, and resembled both his mother and father equally. He spent one night at home with his mother before passing the next morning, the doctors were just as surprised as she was. I remember the horror in her still sane voice as she described how stiff he was. Days later, she had stuffed his decaying body inside her freezer and decided she was still pregnant. When her husband couldn’t reason with her, he decided it was better to trick her into putting herself in the hospital. (Unless she’s a threat to herself or others it has to be of her own free will). She’s had a short history of mental illness, but nothing this unnerving had ever happened.
Marie had no problem carrying the conversation as I got lost in my own head, she gets very talkative when she’s insane. I didn’t notice a tall women standing next to me until she stroked my shoulder. I jumped out of my flashbacks to notice her long wiry red hair and pale, thirsty looking skin. She said her name was Ally. As judgmental as it may seem, Ally’s brown tinted teeth and shaky voice made me nervous, I still remember the emptiness in her eyes. She looked straight at me and spoke to me but it was obvious that it wasn’t her thoughts, she looked so confused by everything. I my best to be polite and carry a conversation with Ally. I tried to watch what I say, she seemed very emotionally fragile, she cried at least five different times during our conversation. I felt horrible, I agreed with everything she said and spoke very friendly but the people in this building aren’t the most rational. During Ally’s last tearful moment of the night, one of the nurses tapped my arm and told me that Ally always acts hysterical. She then asked Marie if we’d like to finish our visit in her room. Maries room was small and gloomy. There was one small lamp giving us a little bit of orange light. The counter was cluttered with flowers and candy. They were mostly from her husband but Marie insisted that they were meant for his whore and came to her by mistake. Every time her sanity slips away, she devises a strong hatred for her husband. He ignores her, and tells everyone that she’s fine which only makes her act more irrational. Maybe he just doesn’t know another way to deal with her insanity. I can’t really blame him, I sure as hell don’t know how to handle someone who argues with voices in her head. Talking to Marie is like playing Russian roulette, anything could offend her, scare her or worry her. It doesn’t have to make sense, because to her nothing does make sense.
Visiting hours came to a close and the patients were heading to their rooms where their medications would sing them to sleep. As I made my way out, I stopped to talk to that sweet nurse. I asked her how they make their patients better. She was eager to explain their varying forms of treatment with me. “We can provide medications and a safe environment for our patients, but what really pulls them through, no matter what the case, is support and understanding from their loved ones. Nothing makes them happier than visitors.” The nurse went on to explain how a lot of what drives a person to insanity is contained emotions. Marie has a genetic mental disorder but she lived without it manifesting itself for twenty years. It wasn’t until she found herself in high stress or extremely emotional situations that her sanity would vanish. This is the worst I’ve ever seen her, she’s the farthest from herself. The nurse explained to me the “cycle” that tends to take place in patients like Marie.



The loss of her son obviously was the just the beginning of her distress, but because her husband kept her away from people who could support her she was unable to properly cope with the tragedy, and her unruly emotions chased away any sensibility she had left. During my visit with Marie and the other patients at the hospital I realized that these people just want someone to be there. Simply showing that I care, made these people happy.
Marie will hopefully be able to learn to cope with her emotions and find true happiness as she goes on with her life. After educating me and giving me more references, the nurse promptly informed me of the next time I could visit Marie. I will never forget the nurses encouraging words. “She needs you to keep visiting, she counts down the hours until you walk through that door.”

Answer 2

It's really good! But there was one typo in "The gut wrenching sound of a women’s cry lengthened my stride. As I walked I could see the women being led by police officers to the hospital." Women means more than 1. Woman means just 1. But other than that I didn't see anything else.

Answer 3

Thank you! I will correct that. Do you think it had a point to the story? It's supposed to be a descriptive essay but my instructor is exaggerating that it needs to have a point to the story...

Answer 4

I think that the point is that when someone who you love is in a bad situation or is in a bad place that they just want someone to be there for them while they are in that situation or place.

Answer 5

Thank you (: having input really helps. Is there anything you think I should add or take away?

Answer 6

No I don't think that there is anything that you should take away. :)

Answer 7

@jaylelile that was a wonderful essay :)

Answer 8

no your essay is good nothing you should take from it

Answer 9

Hello