Question

Can anyone help me revise and edit my first draft?

Answer 1

Many mentally disabled people go through judgment that was based on stereotypical lies and media, such as movies and books, just because “normal people” don’t know how to interact with them or “handle" their presence. There may be people who treat the mentally disabled fairly but the majority of people throughout years, have treated them like taboo or, how few people have referred to them as, a “freak of nature”. Many people have sought ways to help these people and this results in things such as homes, hospitals, and educational facilities for the mentally disabled. Mentally disabled people, despite the time we live in now, have experienced a whole spectrum of treatment and it has affected not only America but other countries as well.
Back before people knew how to communicate with the mentally disabled they treated them like outcasts and without any social interaction a few mentally disabled people wouldn’t know any form of social interaction, so they wouldn’t know how to act around the “normal people”, people who didn’t have any form of mental disabilities, resulting in what may have been considered violent tendencies. The people that lived around the 1930’s would have spread rumors about whatever “violent breakdown” that occurred making whoever heard them apprehensive towards the other mentally disabled people who have not shown any violence. Due to the stereotypical lies that were created, it has been used in media such as movies and books.
Authors and screenwriters would write their characters that are mentally disabled as people who have violent tendencies. Although authors such as John Steinbeck, the author of ‘Of Mice and Men’ wrote their characters as “naïve imbeciles” they, later on, wrote them as violent, Lennie for example towards the end of the book. Many people now associate the mentally disabled with words such as violent, stupid, naïve, and used “retard” a term used back in the day to describe someone with mental disabilities, as an insult in everyday conversation without a second thought because of how often it has been mentioned on television.
Due to the lack of social interaction with one another, “normal people”, people without disabilities, and the mentally disabled don’t know how to interact with each other. “Normal people” shut out and ignore those with any form of mental disabilities and when confronted by someone who is having a breakdown, they don’t know what to do and end up treating them with violence and harsh words directed towards them. Due to the lack of understanding, people with mental disabilities are still treated unfairly to an extent.
People with mental disabilities have gone through plenty of hassles and have had to face judgment from not only strangers but also a few family members because of the disabilities they were born with. Despite being “different” they are still human. They have emotions, feelings, and knowledge. But people don’t see that. They see the extra chromosome. They see the abnormality in their brain. Mentally disabled people are people, and we need to find a way to get it through to everyone

Answer 2

`Many mentally disabled people go through judgment that was based on stereotypical lies and media, such as movies and books, just because “normal people” don’t know how to interact with them or “handle" their presence.`

This sentence seems like a run-on.

`Many mentally disabled people go through judgments that was based on stereotypical lies and media; such as books or movies. Mentally disable people were not considered "normal people" just because they did not know how to communicate or interact with them, and many stayed away from them since they could not handle their presence."`

Answer 3

Oh, okay :) Is there anything else I should do to revise my essay? @563blackghost

Answer 4

The second ending of the sentence seems to repeat your point in the first sentence....

`There may be people who treat the mentally disabled fairly but the majority of people throughout years, have treated them like taboo or, how few people have referred to them as, a “freak of nature”. `

~~~~~~~~

`Even thought many people avoid the company of mentally disabled people there are others out there.....`

The sentence up above is a suggestion on how you can start it....but make sure not repeat your first point...only make the point within the paragraphs....

Answer 5

Okay, what about the other paragraphs? Sorry if I'm asking for a lot. I'm HORRIBLE at writing and I honestly hate it, I just want to get a good grade on my essay. You know what I mean?

Answer 6

I understand completely by what you mean ^^. I haven't really looked at the other paragraphs just yet but with the change of the sentence above that I pointed your 1st paragraph would be so far so good ^^.

Answer 7

Okay, its just that my English teacher is REALLY nit-picky and will get upset and take points away if there wasn't "enough revisement". He is really rude, even on a "good" day *rolls eyes* I just wish I had better writing skills! :/

Answer 8

The first paragraph is basically your thesis meaning the point you would be making across. The thesis statement is the most important part of an essay and is what will capture the reader so, whenever editing make sure to really look at your first paragraph ^^.

Yea I had a teacher like that so thats what drove me into really looking on how to edit and write essays ^^.

Answer 9

` Back before people knew how to communicate with the mentally disabled they treated them like outcasts and without any social interaction a few mentally disabled people wouldn’t know any form of social interaction, so they wouldn’t know how to act around the “normal people”, people who didn’t have any form of mental disabilities, resulting in what may have been considered violent tendencies.`

Place a period after outcast cause its turning into a run-on sentence.

`Back before people knew how to communicate with the mentally disabled they treated them like outcasts.`

A suggestion for the next sentence would be....

`Since the mentally disabled were considered outcasts they were very limited on social interaction, some of them didn't even socialize at all, because of this they wouldn't know how to socialize with others or people with no mental disabilities.`

Answer 10

Any response to this?

Answer 11

`Due to the stereotypical lies that were created, it has been used in media such as movies and books.`

I believe this sentence is not needed.

Answer 12

im sorry but i must go now....good luck on your revisions.