Question

Can I get help editing this poem of mine?

Answer 1

Hello Mr. Walker
Why don’t you talk to her
Look at what you’ve done

She keeps crying
As well as dying
Keeping it all to herself

She keeps lying
And they keep prying
“What is going on?!”

All alone she thinks to herself
‘I can’t live with myself’

She is falling into the black
Letting it take her back
To where she truly belongs

A knife, hand in hand
Ready to join
Those just like her

‘What have I done?’
‘Who have I become?’
She feels like nothing on this plane

Answer 2

Are you doing the k12 poem thing?

Answer 3

If she's upset I don't see why she'd be 'prying' for information.

Answer 4

No

Answer 5

Wait, nerp. Read that wrong.

Answer 6

That is other people prying for the info

Answer 7

I like it at first glance. When I get home today around 4:00 I can examine it more.

Answer 8

Okie

Answer 9

The one thing I can say right now is why does it start with Mr.Walker and then now it's more than one person?

"Hello Mr. Walker
Why don’t you talk to her
Look at what you’ve done
...

She keeps lying
And they keep prying
'What is going on?!'"

Who is the new person or people?

Answer 10

The new people are everyone around her

Answer 11

Mr. Walker is the cause of what is happening

Answer 12

When did they appear? Your setup only includes Mr.Walker. This is a super elapsed poem. I suggest either expanding the number of verses OR including all within the first and second verse.

You have seven verses - number one and two are the opening, number three, four, and five would be the middle, six and seven would be the closing.

Answer 13

OR maybe switch:

"She keeps crying
As well as dying
Keeping it all to herself

She keeps lying
And they keep prying
'What is going on?!'"

with each other.

Answer 14

Would switching it make it make sense?

Answer 15

Yes I think it would make more sense.

Answer 16

Okie. Is there anything else that could use editing?

Answer 17

Nop, I think it's a great poem.

Answer 18

Okie. Thank you for the help

Answer 19

Np!