Question

Hi, I had to write a cinquain poem for English class...I'm not sure if I did it right...Any feed back, or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.:)

Best Friend,
Funny, Honest, kind,
Makes me laugh, tells me all,
She lied, hurt me, left me, killed me,
Traitor.

Answer 1

If I could suggest, going back through it and correcting the punctuation. Right now with all the commas it's like a big run on sentence. And if your teacher is as grammatically correct as mine that would deduct points! Another thing I think that would make your piece sound a lil better and make it look fuller would be to create full sentences. Something like so:
"My best friend,
Was funny, honest, and kind.
She made me laugh, told me all.
Since then, she's lied, she's hurt me, she's left me, she killed me.
Traitor."

Answer 2

with the repetition of "she's" it sounds more like your blaming her. It just gives a faster pace, a hurt pace from your tone. Make sense?

Answer 3

yeah...is that ok?

Answer 4

Is what? I don't understand your question now,, sorry

Answer 5

Is it ok that I use the repetition of she? does it did with the poem?

Answer 6

Oh yes definitely! The cinquain poems only outline is to be 5 verses and can't rhyme.

Answer 7

ok thanks:)

Answer 8

No problem! Any time