Question

Can someone help me edit a poem I've just made?

Answer 1

My love,
You’ve wandered astray
Shortly after May.
Would you agree, love?

We share a mind,
But you’re so far away.
Please return and play
Unlike humankind.

No one can separate us
In lining of silver and gray
Traveling on our sleigh
Likely being a klutz

Finishing each other’s thoughts;
Leading others astray
From our right of way.
Let’s finally take some shots.

Drunken at the bar,
Standing and beginning to sway
While having a delightful day
We shine like a star.

Jumping into bed,
Giving ourselves leeway
For tomorrow’s day,
Along with its dread.

Answer 2

It's very good! I don't completely understand the part saying:
"Unlike humankind."
What exactly are you trying to get at? I also feel like in the first stanza, you are stating how your love is leaving, yet you ask them. You might want to either state it, or have it all be a question.

Overall, it is really good!!!

Answer 3

'unlike humankind' is going along with the last line saying that they are wild when together. I tried to make it rhyme with 'mind'

Answer 4

Very nice.