Question

So I wrote this poem a while ago for a school project I believe it was...I'd love some feedback.

Answer 1

A long time ago in a land far away
There lived a fair maiden, on a bright sunny day
Her hair was like gold, her skin was like peaches
And she dreamed of spending her days on bright beautiful beaches
She dreamed of love of adventure and romance
And was sure she could find 'him' given the chance
So she set out on a journey far away to find
The One who would love her, be jealous yet kind
So she searched and she searched far and wide
Yet she could not find where The One did hide
Under the rocks, and over the hills
Even under the leaf of every daffodil
Soon home she returned, a hole in her heart
Without her long awaited, heard searched for other part
Feeling lonely and lost she then turned to a Friend
Sitting in the Church were she used to attend
"Father please help me, I fear I do wander
And feeling alone has caused me to ponder
Why did I leave You? I do not remember
I once was a fire, but now im an ember."
She sat there and cried, hearing nothing but silence
But then a voice came and she jumped with such violence
"My Daughter, My love, the one I have chosen
Please trust my plan for it can not be broken
The love that you seek is not to be found
In anyone but he who was laid in the ground
After he died, he rose three days later
You won't find a love like His that is greater."
She sat there in silence with tears in her eyes
And lifted her empty hands up high to the skies
The hole in her heart was no longer bare
For the love of God and Jesus was there
"Thank you God for helping me see
That all I search for is already in me
Forever I shall praise your name on high
Forever I shall stay to your side nigh
I shall give you my life, just like the wise men
And love your forever, in Jesus Amen."

Answer 2

o.o
o-o
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O.O
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*^* I really love this.
Your writing ability is just omg amazing. *-*
Keep up the fantastic work. ^_^

Answer 3

Thank you, that means a lot!

Answer 4

You're welcome ^.^

Answer 5

As someone who typically stays away from any rhyme scheme in poetry I find the rhymes in this piece stubble, yet at times too much, my biggest piece of advice is to chop down work that are more than 3 syllables, making the piece easier for the reader to grasp and it gives a more uniform pace to your poem. Overall you have a very strong piece and your use of bright words with a general bright poem is a great match.