Question

Can someone help me rewrite these lines to make it sounds stronger?

Seeing such a robust man cry made it had felt as though time had slowed down and everything around me was made of plastic. I always was under the assumption that strong men were supposed to be strong and never shed a tear. But I had come to a realization that even the strongest of men can have a weak mind and heart.

Answer 1

"was made of plastic."
nope, try again, this doesn't sound right to me, maybe try another word instead of plastic?

" to be strong"
Try another word for "strong"

Answer 2

Sound stronger? Do you mean sound better? :P
Personally, I would re-word it to this:

When I saw a robust man cry, I felt time time slowing down and everything freezing in place. I was always under the assumption that men were supposed to be strong and could never shed a tear. But that day, I realized that even the strongest of men can have a weak heart and shed some tears.

Answer 3

@Ms-Brains I wrote plastic because I was trying to write that everything felt fake. Like it felt as though everything around me was a lie. Seeing such a strong man cry made all my beliefs feel wrong

Answer 4

@TheSmartOne I am trying to say that this guy was physically built and large. And i didn't think guys like that would be so emotionally sensitive. I am not trying to talk about all men in general

Answer 5

Starting off line:
When I saw a robust man cry, I felt as if I was in a world parallel to ours.
When I saw a robust man cry, I felt as if I was in a dream.

I was under the assumption that strong men were strong and would never shed a tear. But that day, I realized that even the strongest of men have a weak heart and have to shed tears eventually.

Mhmmm, does that sound better? o;

Answer 6

instead of made it had felt, put made it feel. seein such a robust man made it feel as though time had slowed

Answer 7

Try using diversity and display what the speaker saw, elaborate on his realization.

EXAMPLE (Do not plagiarize):


My thoughts were conflicted and confused. I stared in astonishment as his tear slowly formed, and proceeded to dropped to the ground, forming puddles of grief and sadness. His facial expression was filled with distress, as his eyebrows scrunched up in hurt. His eyes glistened in melancholy as he stared ahead, looking as if he was swallowed in a dark abyss of sadness. My heart beated and rammed into my rib cage; each beat sounding like a tick, followed by a tok as if it were a clock. My surroundings slowed down as the only thing my eyes were captivated by, was him, and his crystal like tears. Everything around me seemingly looked artificial and plastic. My heart wrenched. He was such a sturdy and strong man. Yet, here he was, striped of his strength, and the only thing left was a hollow shell. What dwelled in that was a man, truly in a break down. Crying. I always assumed that strong men, such as he, could never shed a tear. I believed that his emotions were stable and firmed. I now realized. Even a strong man could feel. He… He is human. Therefore, he is able to feel. Strong or not, they are still capable of having a weak and fragile heart. He can only take so much. Everyone has limitations. His limit past.

Answer 8

I made errors, but,

- dropped --> drop*

Answer 9

Everything around me seemingly looked artificial and plastic.

This sentence would sound better written
Everything around me seemingly looked artificial as if it was made out of plastic.

But overall, very well written Miss! :)