Question

I need help looking over a poem that I just made.

Answer 1

Living for the moment
Unsure of what is to come
In the future - I may take
Pleasure in receiving

Swimming to my hearts
Content, I freak out
When a friend points out
Her friend whom is
Unnaturally eye-catching

Thought to be an illusion
We walk up to him
She said “hello.” to the boy
All I did was become shy
Saying only “hi.” in his
General direction

The days following
We talked in groups
Not realising what was
To come of the two of us

Over the school year he
Sent message after message
I never was able to respond
Until the school year was over

What he never knew was
I hadn’t any access to see
The many messages he left for me
Until the school year was over

Answer 2

@Addicted2Anime @SapphireMoon @ABM_David @RandomeQuestions @rebecca.syvanen @blueraven2239

Answer 3

i'd say this is more of a story than a poem but that's just me

Answer 4

It tells a lovely (and heartbreaking) story, it's probably free verse, @Yinshy. Some of the verses seem to have a cadence, though, then it's broken up, maybe tweak some of the lines so it's either symmetrical or entirely asymmetrical, but that's just my opinion. :) Excellent work!

Answer 5

^ agreed

Answer 6

Yes, it is free verse. The part that I struggle the most when writing these kinda poems is with the cadence @SapphireMoon

Answer 7

My free verse tends to have a loose rhythm, one that you can tell is there but it's not a rigid rule, one line in five might mess it up. @4everaddicted2anime After you write your poems, it's okay to take five to ten minutes to polish it up, move words and tweak sentences until you're absolutely content with the tempo, cadence, and meaning of what you have.

Answer 8

I gtg but I'll be back on to work more on this. ty guys so much for the help so far

Answer 9

In about 30 mins

Answer 10

When does the poem start to break up?

Answer 11

Hmm. Now that I'm looking for it, maybe I'm making up whatever cadence I saw the first time, @4everaddicted2anime. Can't quite see it now...

Answer 12

Okie. Thanks for the help @SapphireMoon