I had to do a "I remember" poem for my ELA class, how does it sound?

I remember my first heartbreak.
It was hard.
It wasn’t known to many others.
Where was everyone?

They were always there for her.
What about me?
When you held me in your arms and knew you had to change.
Where were you?

I remember when I stepped on stage and knew I couldn’t do it.
Where was the faith?
When you told me I could accomplish anything
Then why are you and father gone?

I remember when we left because of his actions.
You changed.
Was it worth it?

I remember standing there.
You weren’t here
But my happiness was.
I was better off without you.
I remember my first heartbreak.

Question

I had to do a "I remember" poem for my ELA class, how does it sound?

I remember my first heartbreak.
It was hard.
It wasn’t known to many others.
Where was everyone?

They were always there for her.
What about me?
When you held me in your arms and knew you had to change.
Where were you?

I remember when I stepped on stage and knew I couldn’t do it.
Where was the faith?
When you told me I could accomplish anything
Then why are you and father gone?

I remember when we left because of his actions.
You changed.
Was it worth it?

I remember standing there.
You weren’t here
But my happiness was.
I was better off without you.
I remember my first heartbreak.

Astrid1 · Answer

This is based on my actual life, my bio father left me. Well we left him, he was and still is a drug addict. My brother is with him because thats how the story goes and every time I was hurt I never got cared for. They were always there for my sister. I developed depression after that.

snowflake0531 · Answer

there's one grammatical issue
Then why are you and father gone?
should be changed to 'were', not are

Astrid1 · Answer

Right! xD I was kinda fixed on that mistake. I wasn't sure how to word it.

snowflake0531 · Answer

lel, justmake sure that it's all in one tense

besides for that, I think it's pretty good, except that, you could structure it with commas, instead of periods after each line, since I think some places changed to commas would make it flow it bit more

Astrid1 · Answer

Yeah, I do put periods there sometimes, it's more relative to help me when I am writing. I usually erase them after I am done.

snowflake0531 · Answer

kk

QuestionCoveBot · Answer

Wow. T-this is very good. :0 I really have no idea what to say to this. It's... powerful. It made me cry a little. ._.

Astrid1 · Answer

Yeah.

Writing is my talent, so when I do write I pour all pain/emotion into it. Eheh.

yoboijarvis · Answer

Yeah this is really good best "I remember" poem I've seen

AmandaShorty · Answer

its Rlly good

Astrid1 · Answer

Thanks, I appreciate all the feedback.

QuestionCoveBot · Answer

Your welcome. :)

Astrid1 · Answer

c;

AmandaShorty · Answer

Yh Np

LKylie · Answer

woahhhh i like it

Astrid1 · Answer

Tanks.

doglover12 · Answer

its rlly good i can relate tho so thnx it helps know im not the only one

benjifish · Answer

its beautifal

Astrid1 · Answer

Thanks guys.