Question

Posting my short story again becasue i really want feedback and corrections

Answer 1

there are some grammar mistakes

Answer 2

"I sat down and took one last look at you whispering, “I’m sorry it had to be this way i loved you i truly did” at you with tears in my eyes I watch as you slowly shut your eyes."
This doesn't make sense to me. The part after the last quotation mark has "at you with tears in my eyes"
what is this supposed to be?

Answer 3

it was supposed to be the main charecter looking at the stabbed person crying watching them die but i went back and revised it a bit and i guess i didnt fix it

Answer 4

yo 10/10 this is genuinly wattpad award material

Answer 5

im writing more to this

Answer 6

As I stepped off the train I couldn't help but feel elated after all I was seeing you, I headed into the station, and I looked around through the pouring rain eagerly looking for you and I suddenly saw you. Beautiful you waiting there for me, I excitedly run over to you watching as you start smiling as i run into your arms mine wrapping around your back I look at you and I take it in your smell, your smile, your soaked hair every beautiful curl on her head,The rain drops falling from your nose, your beautiful beautiful green eyes and every little freckle on your face and i try counting them all before I suddenly feel you jolt forward with a look of shock and sadness on your face, a little gasp of pain escapes from your lips, and as I back away letting you fall, I see a knife buried directly in middle of your chest piercing through your heart a quick death but not instant I don't jump or scream or sob because I was the one that put it there. I sat down and took one last look at you whispering, “I’m sorry it had to be this way i loved you i truly did” with tears in my eyes I watch as you slowly shut your eyes, your last breath escaping from your lips The rain attempting to wash away the pool of blood you now lie in. After a moment I brushed a lock of hair out of your face,and I gave you one final kiss. I wiped my tears away,and as I was walking away I noticed something shiny on your neck and I realized it was a necklace, No not any old necklace it was the necklace. I bent down and took the necklace off of your neck, I turned it over in my hand feeling the indents of the engraving. The engraving said “I'll love you forever.” It was the engagement gift I got for you for our first anniversary. I realize today is our 10 year anniversary before standing up, pocketing the necklace and walking out of the train station with tears in my eyes and thinking, I'm doing this for us. I promise you wouldn't have wanted to see what our world has turned into. It's for the better. With a sad pit of regret settling in my stomach I walk out of the station repeating to myself it’s for the better. I did this for us.

Answer 7

Very good @addym

Answer 8

@landongoma

Answer 9

I agree this is a sad love story. I can relate of course and I think it is beautiful and has a lot of feelings and so much more I think you have a lot of talent and I think that the world should be able to see that................