Question

Can u guys please help me with any editing or correcting for this new book im writing for my english class : PROLOUGE:

When I close my eyes and see the paths, I could have taken I do regret some things but not a lot , I feel as though I move with the wind and the ocean and the creatures beneath it ever changing, If I could fly, I would fly somewhere far away, and I will not have to deal with the pain and yearning, fear, love, hate and all the emotions of the common man, I will not have to deal with this due to the fact that I am a mindless insect, and I just go about my day in an orderly fashion and regular routine, rest, eat, fly, eat, rest and repeat it all over again. It feels as though I have a routine, but it is very draining due to the people included in my routine, my routine goes something like, wake up, hygiene, Eat, work, be a slave to other people’s emotions and be there outlet, bottle my emotions, and then eat again, work, cry, journal, sleep, repeat

You can see as to why this routine is draining but, yet, so delicate as to those human emotions have caused so much havoc in my routine. It is so draining as to an insect's routine which consists of only 3 parts and things. I want to part with my emotions, just like the red sea. Emotions cause so much pain, but they are also an effortless part of human nature, getting rid of them completely is just as dangerous as having your emotions and letting them out on display. I guess the difference between having these hostile feelings we call emotions is that they show you are a human being, but if you show no emotion and you disregard other people's emotions you are looked at as a robot and undesirable, which is a horrible way to distinguish human from non-human.

If I could be any animal besides a butterfly or bird or any flying beastie, I believe I would be a fish. For fish are smart and intelligent and they do not depend on anyone but themselves for their survival. Once they are born, they know what they want to do, they are level-headed and non-bothersome creatures, fish have some sort of a mindset unlike that of a human. Fish seem to believe in themselves, they have confidence to find food, shelter, and they can protect themselves from predators. Even a human could be a fish and everyone around them could either be a safe place/shelter, a predator or even a surrounding ocean, where the people do not even acknowledge you exist.



CHAPTER 1: Better Days

Is reminiscing dangerous? I used to

Answer 1

PROLOUGE:

When I close my eyes and see the paths, I could have taken I do regret some things but not a lot , I feel as though I move with the wind and the ocean and the creatures beneath it ever changing, If I could fly, I would fly somewhere far away, and I will not have to deal with the pain and yearning, fear, love, hate and all the emotions of the common man, I will not have to deal with this due to the fact that I am a mindless insect, and I just go about my day in an orderly fashion and regular routine, rest, eat, fly, eat, rest and repeat it all over again. It feels as though I have a routine, but it is very draining due to the people included in my routine, my routine goes something like, wake up, hygiene, Eat, work, be a slave to other people’s emotions and be there outlet, bottle my emotions, and then eat again, work, cry, journal, sleep, repeat

You can see as to why this routine is draining but, yet, so delicate as to those human emotions have caused so much havoc in my routine. It is so draining as to an insect's routine which consists of only 3 parts and things. I want to part with my emotions, just like the red sea. Emotions cause so much pain, but they are also an effortless part of human nature, getting rid of them completely is just as dangerous as having your emotions and letting them out on display. I guess the difference between having these hostile feelings we call emotions is that they show you are a human being, but if you show no emotion and you disregard other people's emotions you are looked at as a robot and undesirable, which is a horrible way to distinguish human from non-human.

If I could be any animal besides a butterfly or bird or any flying beastie, I believe I would be a fish. For fish are smart and intelligent and they do not depend on anyone but themselves for their survival. Once they are born, they know what they want to do, they are level-headed and non-bothersome creatures, fish have some sort of a mindset unlike that of a human. Fish seem to believe in themselves, they have confidence to find food, shelter, and they can protect themselves from predators. Even a human could be a fish and everyone around them could either be a safe place/shelter, a predator or even a surrounding ocean, where the people do not even acknowledge you exist.



CHAPTER 1: Better Days

Is reminiscing dangerous? I used to think that this device of thinking was a way to hold on to the past and grieve the loss of memories, and even the loss of feelings for someone close to you. I think about this as I walk down the wooden, planked pier close by the bay in my new black dress and my knee-high white socks, with little frills at the bottom. The sound of water, the feeling of sharp wind and the crisp smell of a new upcoming season change always did something to me. I sit down on the edge of the pier with my feet in the water. Little tadpoles circle my toes and ankles as I relax into deeper thought. Then there is a distant memory of my mother. I open my eyes with fright, and I see her on the edge of my bed, asleep. Sunlight streams through the blinds and I struggle to get up, the covers wrapped tightly around me cause this struggle, my mother's doing of course. I shake my mother awake and tell her I had a bad dream as I begin to explain that I had a dream she was gone forever she laughs. The sweet laugh that sounds like a cloud has landed right beside me and has filled the air with happiness. She sits up, pats her lap which I crawl into, and cradles me like I am two years old again. She told me everything would be all right and I had no reason to worry, and I believed her, till that day everything went wrong. The memory ends and my vision blurs, before I can stop it, a tear comes down my cheek without my permission. This is the danger of reminiscing; the memory of pain and agony always ruins and corrupts a memory that was once sweet and delicate and filled with nothing but love. I swirl my feet in the cool, refreshing water and start singing, no, not lyrics, but a nice humming, I let emotion take over my body, I feel a thrill from letting my emotions have control All of a sudden it gets quite hard to breath and I notice my vision is going blurry again but I press through and keep humming till I'm out of breath, Like a little steam engine that has ran out of steam. I get up and walk all the way up the hill back to my house. As I walk up the hill, I see one Golden Lilac after another, crisp and powerful in color, it seems as if the flowers want to make their presence known so they can tell the whole world they are a force to be reckoned with. That is the same feeling my mother gave me. It was as if the entire world would stop looking to see her and her amazingness. So, I started picking them up one by one so I could make a nice bouquet so I could at least have something nice to offer when I go to my mother’s funeral.



Chapter 2: The Funeral

The weather was gloomy, and the clouds seemed quick to anger. The wind felt abrasive and harmful. A feeling my father always gave me. I walked toward the church. The engraved heavy Oak and Chestnut doors had illustrations of angels with swords and Jesus reaching out to save Adam, while the snake (Satan) wrapped around his neck. I felt strangely uncomfortable. It did not feel like I had butterflies in my stomach, more like birds that had flapped their way into my chest and felt like they were trying to come up my throat. A familiar sting behind my eyes occurred, but I quickly brushed it away. I had not even made it inside the church and was already about to burst into hot angry and sorrowful tears. There would be plenty of time to do that later when I was by myself in my room. As I walked up the light and dark grey steps a sense of fear and anxiety crept up behind me and cradled my body. I stopped dead in front of the doors, my hand resting on the cold iron and jewel embellished handle, only for the doors to open from the inside. Deacon Luke's wife, Sister Sherry looked at me for a moment, as if she was trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing there. She stared at me with a quizzing look, almost as if she wanted me to say something and then tell me what I was saying was wrong. I took a deep breath ready to explain who I was and the reason for my tardiness, until Mrs. Sherry began, “Oh, there you are darling, the deacon was looking for you. You sit up on the front row, left hand side right next to your father, you hear.” I simply nodded and said, “Yes ma’am” as a sense of panic and dread had risen along with the other feelings. Sitting with my father was the last thing I wanted to do. He was the last person on Earth I wanted to sit next to. But I did as I was told. One foot in front of the other I walked down the aisle surrounded by brown wooden church pews with people on either side of me. The place itself was stunning, the ceiling and walls were covered with illustrations and verses from the bible all while being jewel encrusted from head to toe. There were murals in place of windows, but due to the gloominess outside you couldn’t see each individual color shine as they would have, had they been hit by sun rays, there was even a couple of statues with sayings from some of the writers who created the books of the bible. I got to the end of the aisle and saw my father sitting right where Mrs. Sherry said he had been. He waved me over with a huge reassuring grin on his face. I walked over slowly but surely and sat a few inches away from him. His smile quickly dissipated as if I hurt him. I cared for a moment but that foolish feeling went away. He tapped me on my shoulder, but I kept looking straight ahead. He tapped me again and said “ pst..pst.. Jaz. Jaz.” I turned toward him and said,” pst, you and my name is Jazzmine to you.” I could not help it, but I sneered in his direction which only seemed to make his smile reappear on his face. He laughed and said, “I knew you could hear me. Anyway, I hope you are handling all this well, I know you and your mother were close and it must be hard for you to see me here and all these changes are going to be big ones-” “stop” I said, “you already know I don’t like you. After all this time you think you can show up in my life and everything will be ok. You’re not even looking at this as a chance to be with me. You're looking at a way that you can save your reputation from being “deadbeat dad of the year”. I spoke. He looked as if someone took a knife to his chest and cut through him, then put him back together and cut him again. I started back up. “I am tired of you just showing up when you feel like you're ready to be a dad. But because I am forced to live with you, as my legal guardian, I will tolerate you and your wife and kids. Ok. “He nodded, licked his lips and spoke. “All right” I took a deep breath and said with a cool calm reassuring tone, “Great glad we got that solved, can you stop talking to me now so I can watch my mother’s funeral in peace.” He turned around so his body was facing towards Deacon Luke, and he was fidgeting with something in his pocket, but I ignored it. I turned to face the same direction and there was my mom all dressed up and looking so lively you would have thought she was alive. I scoffed aloud at the thought. Earning me a look from my father.

Memory: I looked down at the floral carpet beneath my church pew and had a feeling of familiarity. Then I closed my eyes and saw a distant memory from the past. It was my birthday. I had just turned 6 years old. The day before my birthday we hand wrote the invitations to my friends and their families and sent them out the same day. We even bought special stickers to put on the starch white envelopes. We made goody bags to send the guests home with when they came to the party. If they came to the party. The day of my birthday we had set everything up. We had games, food, music, and most importantly me. The party was set to start at 2:00 pm sharp. All my friends and their mothers were usually very punctual, and they all said that they could make it. I was sitting on a floral rug covered in things like roses, all unusual colors, and moss the color of jade and emerald, green. There were all sorts of beautiful flowers, carnations in the colors of bold oranges and hues of yellow, and most of all the golden lilacs, which to me, were the most stunning flowers of them all. I traced my hand over the rug and followed the lines of the yellow and dark yellow gradients, I swirled my finger at the parts of the flower where the shades would mix and turn into another color. My finger tracing was constantly disrupted by the sound of my mother’s phone ringing and her voice saying, “Oh its ok I understand. I wouldn’t want a kid to be around him either. Yes, not even my own daughter.” I already knew no one was coming to my party, and it wasn’t their fault, but I knew whose fault it was. When my mother got off the phone with all the girls' mothers, who were supposed to be attending my party, I walked over to her, hugged her and cried angry tears. I said in her ear, “Why does daddy have to ruin everything he’s barely here, but he shows up when no one is thinking of him. He makes me so angry.” She squeezed me and held me tight. She smelled like warm vanilla, and sugar cookies. Her wool sweater following the cool touch of her hand. My eyelids started getting heavy and the last thing I saw was the golden lilac on the floral rug. The memory was over



The funeral continued:

When I opened my eyes again, I was overwhelmed by the bright light that was in the church. I suddenly fell on my knees and started crying and screaming, “MOM, MOM. PLEASE DONT LEAVE ME HERE!” Deacon Luke held my shoulder and hugged me. I melted into his touch and cried those heavy hot and angry, sorrowful tears on his black and white robe. When I started to calm down, I noticed that he smelled of chamomile, green tea, and tobacco. When I stood up and parted from his touch my father was looking at me. He stared at me with a hysterical kind of sadness in his eyes, he took a visibly deep breath held his hand out and he said, “Jazzmine lets go.” And for the first time in 7 years, I took hold of his hand and let him lead me out of the church doors.

Chapter 3: Houses and Greetings

We head out the heavy oak and chestnut church doors and walk into the mist sprinkled atmosphere. I felt a sense of relief when we made it to the parking lot. My father was leading me toward his car, which was nothing less than perfection and did not cease to impress me. He knew what he was doing, trying to bribe me with a ride in my dream car. The car was the all new 2021 Rolls-Royce Ghost. Limited edition, it was a hell of an expensive car. I was wondering why we were still standing in front of my dream car, then I realized I was squeezing my father's hand. I quickly let go and ran into the passenger seat of the car. My father waited outside for a minute, almost as though he knew I needed to recollect myself and my thoughts. It was so strange that I hated the man so much, but I grabbed his hand without hesitation and was a willing passenger to a journey to his house I knew I would grow to hate. I couldn’t believe all of this was real and his flattery was getting him nowhere. If anything, he earned another award. I would call this new award he earned “trying to make up for his Wizardty mistakes award” but I was willing to endure a car ride with this man. He was walking toward the car and so I positioned my body to face the window, so he knew I was not up for any discussion with him. As soon as he got in the car, he pressed the start button and put on my favorite artist Lucky Daye

Answer 2

my comment is the full story that I tried to edit and I read through it a few times

Answer 3

Its nice!

Answer 4

i really like it

Answer 5

@TxunamyLu wrote:

i really like it


I really appreciate it


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Answer 6

nice

Answer 7

good man

Answer 8

goodddd