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Olive2006:

Tell me what you think of my story. https://www.wattpad.com/1255046896-unruly-hearts-part-one

Olive2006:

It was the beginning of Junior year and I was scared and kind of nervous. Luckily I had a few friends from Color Guard and a few from elementary school. I saw most my friends at lunch and a few at orchestra. During the summer, I had Color Guard practice and I think I may have been falling for someone. Her name is Kayla. Now I am not even sure if she is Lesbian. I should probably talk to her. I mean she is my friend. I will talk to her at lunch and then go hangout with my best friend, Ari for the rest of lunch. Well at least I thought I was going to sit with Ari but something happened. That changed mine and Kayla's life. Okay so on my way to lunch, I was heading towards the stairs when I saw someone bump into Kayla and she almost went tumbling down the stairs. It would have been so embarrassing. And when I say she "almost" fell. I mean I caught her by the arm. No one was watching when I did. After I caught her, when shared a look, the look when where you to began to like each other. She told to me to come with her and sit with at lunch. I felt happy and I could tell she liked me, so I didn't bother asking what her sexuality was. "Hey Olivia, come sit with us here." Kayla gestured towards her table. "Alright!" I said excitedly. She introduced me too her friends. They were so funny, I enjoyed their company. Although I was nervous at first. It was a good day at lunch. Now I just got to get through the rest of the school day. I was going to the counselor to change a few classes, and it worked out good. I now have all the classes I want to take. I was waiting in my last class for the bell to ring to get ready to leave. It always like the bell wants to take the longest time to ring within the last minute. Finally, the bell rang and I was ready to walk home. When I was walking home I thought I heard a voice call my name but my name is very common. So it could have been one of the popular girls calling another Olivia. It turns out they were calling my name. They caught up to me and tapped my shoulder. I turned around and saw Kayla right there. It was weird, I only saved here from falling down the stairs. She has never talked to me much before, only during Color Guard practice. "Hey liv, did you forget we have color guard practice today?" I thought to myself was that really why she ran after me. "Oh yea, I totally forgot. Oops." I said nervously. "Are you okay?" Kayla asked me. "Yea I am fine." I said uneasy. "Okay, lets go to practice." I really wasn't okay. I wanted her to talk to me for a second and have an awkward silent moment and then she kisses me, but my dreams are never a reality. I just walk with her to the grass field and during our walk we just talk about how our day went. I was tend to get my hopes up when thing like this happens, although no on has ever ran after me to remind me of practice. It was kind of weird. I felt as if she wanted to tell me something more. And maybe she does like me. Maybe she is nervous. Or scared. Or maybe cause of our age difference. I mean she is one year younger than me but when you like someone so much, one year shouldn't be a problem. The next day all I wanted to do everything I could to go see her, talk to her and just be around her. I tried but I was so nervous, my anxiety got really bad. My hands got very shaky. Then, my head was becoming dizzy, I mean this never happened before, why is it happening now. I needed to get out of there. I could see her looking at me, thats when I turned and headed toward the bathroom. Its weird every time I go to the bathroom, no one is in there. I mean I'm not complaining because I love when it is just me and quiet. That changed today, when I heard footsteps toward the door. I recoginzed the shoes. It was Kayla. She followed me to the bathroom. "Hey, Olivia, are you okay because you didn't look good out side, I wanted to see if you didn't pass out or anything." "Hey Kayla, I'm fine, just got a little, forgot to drink water." I lied because I didn't want to tell her I got dizzy and my hands started to shake because I like you and I am nervous around you. "Open the door, I want to make sure you are fine." She said in a tone I never heard from her. "Okay." We sit on the bathroom floor, not realizing all the germs on this disgusting floor. We kept talking and talking not realizing it was the bell to lunch, we talked from breakfast to lunch. She then said, "We should probably go." But right before we opened the door, she kissed me. I have been waiting for her to kiss me, so of course I kissed her back. Then we left the bathroom.

aldyn:

its ight

Milawillalwaysbecool:

its okay 😐

kaleighh533:

This is absolutely amazing i really love it although there are a few little things that need to be touched up but those are easy fixes that can be done in seconds so I'm just Gunna give you my opinion on what so like in the first paragraph when you said " I saw most my friends at lunch and a few at orchestra" you might want to word it a bit diffidently to make it sound smoother like " I saw most [of] my friends at lunch and a few [others] at orchestra" just so it'll sound better next when you wrote " After I caught her, when shared a look," i think you meant to put [we] instead of [when] (: next when you wrote this "the look when where you to began to like each other" you might want to word it differently like this "the look where you [both] *begin to like each other" onto the next thing when u wrote " The next day all I wanted to do everything I could to go see her," maybe re-word it like this " The next day all I wanted to do [was] everything I could [just] to go see her" onto the next an finale thing (: when you wrote this line ""Hey Kayla, I'm fine, just got a little, forgot to drink water." i think you forgot to put exactly what you were talking about after you said "just got a little" i think you meant to put dizzy but other than that I think this is great now im not "telling" you to make these changes their just my overall opinion but keep up the good work an please write moreeeeeee (:

Olive2006:

@kaleighh533 wrote:
This is absolutely amazing i really love it although there are a few little things that need to be touched up but those are easy fixes that can be done in seconds so I'm just Gunna give you my opinion on what so like in the first paragraph when you said " I saw most my friends at lunch and a few at orchestra" you might want to word it a bit diffidently to make it sound smoother like " I saw most [of] my friends at lunch and a few [others] at orchestra" just so it'll sound better next when you wrote " After I caught her, when shared a look," i think you meant to put [we] instead of [when] (: next when you wrote this "the look when where you to began to like each other" you might want to word it differently like this "the look where you [both] *begin to like each other" onto the next thing when u wrote " The next day all I wanted to do everything I could to go see her," maybe re-word it like this " The next day all I wanted to do [was] everything I could [just] to go see her" onto the next an finale thing (: when you wrote this line ""Hey Kayla, I'm fine, just got a little, forgot to drink water." i think you forgot to put exactly what you were talking about after you said "just got a little" i think you meant to put dizzy but other than that I think this is great now im not "telling" you to make these changes their just my overall opinion but keep up the good work an please write moreeeeeee (:
thank you this helps a lot and I am definitely going to write more

kaleighh533:

@olive2006 wrote:
@kaleighh533 wrote:
This is absolutely amazing i really love it although there are a few little things that need to be touched up but those are easy fixes that can be done in seconds so I'm just Gunna give you my opinion on what so like in the first paragraph when you said " I saw most my friends at lunch and a few at orchestra" you might want to word it a bit diffidently to make it sound smoother like " I saw most [of] my friends at lunch and a few [others] at orchestra" just so it'll sound better next when you wrote " After I caught her, when shared a look," i think you meant to put [we] instead of [when] (: next when you wrote this "the look when where you to began to like each other" you might want to word it differently like this "the look where you [both] *begin to like each other" onto the next thing when u wrote " The next day all I wanted to do everything I could to go see her," maybe re-word it like this " The next day all I wanted to do [was] everything I could [just] to go see her" onto the next an finale thing (: when you wrote this line ""Hey Kayla, I'm fine, just got a little, forgot to drink water." i think you forgot to put exactly what you were talking about after you said "just got a little" i think you meant to put dizzy but other than that I think this is great now im not "telling" you to make these changes their just my overall opinion but keep up the good work an please write moreeeeeee (:
thank you this helps a lot and I am definitely going to write more
ill be waiting for the rest of the story lol and im glad to have helped you (:

Olive2006:

@kaleighh533 wrote:
@olive2006 wrote:
@kaleighh533 wrote:
This is absolutely amazing i really love it although there are a few little things that need to be touched up but those are easy fixes that can be done in seconds so I'm just Gunna give you my opinion on what so like in the first paragraph when you said " I saw most my friends at lunch and a few at orchestra" you might want to word it a bit diffidently to make it sound smoother like " I saw most [of] my friends at lunch and a few [others] at orchestra" just so it'll sound better next when you wrote " After I caught her, when shared a look," i think you meant to put [we] instead of [when] (: next when you wrote this "the look when where you to began to like each other" you might want to word it differently like this "the look where you [both] *begin to like each other" onto the next thing when u wrote " The next day all I wanted to do everything I could to go see her," maybe re-word it like this " The next day all I wanted to do [was] everything I could [just] to go see her" onto the next an finale thing (: when you wrote this line ""Hey Kayla, I'm fine, just got a little, forgot to drink water." i think you forgot to put exactly what you were talking about after you said "just got a little" i think you meant to put dizzy but other than that I think this is great now im not "telling" you to make these changes their just my overall opinion but keep up the good work an please write moreeeeeee (:
thank you this helps a lot and I am definitely going to write more
ill be waiting for the rest of the story lol and im glad to have helped you (:
:)

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