Question

i am a writer looking for some advice

Answer 1

Murder House
By: yuki
Chapter one: Flash backs

Walking into the kitchen to see a woman covered in bright pink blood being dragged into the basement by papa. I’m confused as to why is papa is dragging ms.Yako into the basement. Should I ask him? Or will he get mad and hurt me again?
papa?
I spoke in my small voice. He looked up at his eldest daughter, but instead of getting mad he… smiled?
papa: now now my dear yukinara there is nothing to worry about.
I was happy. I was always happy when papa wasn’t angry. I smiled back but then he spoke again.
Papa: But if you tell anyone I will kill you… do you understand?
The color drained from my face when I heard that, papa was going to kill me if i told anyone?

Suddenly I jolted up, it was only a dream. god why doesn’t that memory ever leave me? It’s been eleven years since my father murdered ms.Yako and i became his servant. Helping my father with dirty work, dismembering the bodies of the people that he had killed. It used to make me feel sick seeing the bodies but now… I'm not fazed by the dead bodies anymore.

I turned to my nightstand and put my golden colored glasses on. I walked into my bathroom and changed out of my hoodie and put my school uniform on. I didn’t like the skirt. It made me feel like someone I'm not but I can't change it. Father would hurt me again. I walked out of my bathroom into my kitchen to see my twin sister mizumi and my younger brother Ren talking
Ren: i just want to know what happened to her mizu
Mizumi: I understand Ren but I really don’t know. You should ask yuki when he gets here.
I didn’t really hear the conversation as I had just walked in the kitchen. When Mizumi saw me she smiled. I waved good morning
Mizumi: Morning nara!
Yukinara: morning mizu
Ren; morning Yuki. hey uh i have a question
Yukinara: Hmm? Yes ren?
Ren: Do you know what happened to miss yako?
The question startled me. Why the night right after the dream? Why? Why? I stood there frozen for a moment wondering what to say. Do I tell them or not? If i do father will murder me. The thoughts running through my head gave me a bit of a headache. I stummered a answer.
Yukinara: n-no i don’t ren.
Ren: oh… thanks anyways yuki
Yukinara: no problem
I put on a weak smile. I'm glad he bought the lie. The flashes of that night kept flashing in my head. Then it stopped so suddenly it startled me a bit. I noticed that I hadn't gotten the younger kids up yet. I went upstairs to see that only Azumi and Kiyo were up. Sora and Aito were still asleep. I went into Sora's room first, and it turns out he wasn’t asleep, he was just sitting on his bed. when he saw me he jumped into my arms. Sora was always clingy towards me even at the age of twelve. I hugged Sora back as he snuggled into me. I put down and he started laughing, something he usually did after I picked him up. No matter how old Sora got he was always a bit childish and clingy to me.
Yukinara: alright sora you have to get ready for school
Sora: aww can i come with you today big brother?
Yukinara: sorry buddy but highschool is a bit too much for you
Sora: but i’m in middle school now
Sora was always stubborn. He told me he wanted to be with me forever but I knew that would change one day, he wouldn’t want to stay with his big brother his entire life. I left his room to go get aito, he was there laying with the stuffed bunny in his arm. People would bully him for sleeping with a stuffed animal at the age of nine but I always reassured him that it was okay. I sat down on his bed right next to where he was asleep and started to pet his hair. His small green eyes slowly opened as he awoke from his sleep. A smile formed across his face, he sat up and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around him. Aito let go looking at me, I looked back at him. He seemed to understand what I was trying to get him to do, so he sprang up and walked into his closet getting his school clothes. Getting up and walking out of his room I noticed my father standing at the end of the hallway. I tried not looking at him but his presence was a bit nerve wracking. As I walked past him he grabbed my wrist. I looked up at his dark black eye, he was a scary individual.
Father: my dear yukinara how about you come do some work before school, hmm?
I knew what he meant by work when he said that, he wanted me to go dismember the bodies of the people he had just killed.
Yuki: Sorry father but I can't get my uniform messy, it would be a shame if someone found out about this, now wouldn’t it?
I played into my father’s little pretended like what he does isn’t disgusting. My father nodded and let go of my wrist. As I started to walk away I could still feel his eyes on me. Once I got back downstairs I called everyone to get their shoes on since it was time to go. Feet running from the kitchen, living room and stairs were heard as all six kids ran to put their shoes on for school. No matter how old they get, I will always feel like their parents since I practically raised them. Father was only home three days a week, Friday, Saturday, and sunday. Walking out the door, the older kids walked one way and the younger kids walked the other way.

Once we got to school I saw two girls, one with pale white skin and dark purple hair with black highlights, the other with dark skin and lighter purple hair the same shade as mine. Their names were ash and hikari. I walked up to the two of them, they seemed to be talking about something.
Yuki: morning ash and hikari, how are you this morning
Ash: ah good morning yuki, i am well
Hikari: you both don’t show that much emotion do you? I mean come on you two talking alone must be soo boring!
Hikari was always very adamant about having fun so she would complain about me and not show that much emotion. I’m not sure why Ash didn’t show that much emotion but she’s always been that way so I won't question it.
Ash: now now darling no need to be rude this early in the morning
Hikari: i- i’m not ash! God why do you have to use that nickname in public? It's embarrassing.
Ash: it’s simply a way to make sure you don’t cause havoc
Yuki: heh
I chuckled at Ash's comment that hikari and a few others in the group liked to cause chaos for the fun of it. I'm not sure why though I personally have never seen the appeal to causing chaos for no reason. Me and Ash were alway the voice of reason even if I'm busy a lot of the time. The three of us talked for a little bit while we waited for everyone else in the group to school. I jumped as i felt a pair of arms wrapped around my waist, once i heard hikari snickering at me i knew who it was. Turning around to see a good friend of mine named oli. his blue and orange hair normally covered his dark green eyes, but from this angle i could see them. Oli looked down at me and smiled.
Oli: awe look how cute you are wrapped in my arms yuki-chan
Yuki: mhm okay oli
Oli: but your so tiny it’s cute
Yuki: oli- i understand that i’m 4’9 but please let me go.
He laughed at my words and let me go. Taking a second to breath i hear the bell ring. The school was quite big so it took me a minute to get to class. I walked into class and sat next to my best friend lia she was always full of energy even at 8:00 in the morning. Lia was always very pretty almost like a goddess

Time skip to after school.

Oli and I were standing outside the school talking to each other as usual.

Oli: Hey Yuki, I heard there is a new ice cream shop that opened up. So you wanna go with me in a few?
Yuki: Oliver, have you forgotten? I can’t hang out during the week..
Oli: oh right, sorry yuki maybe this weekend?
Yuki: uh yeah maybe
Oli: okay! Well if you can go i’ll pick you up and 7:00pm, on saturday
I softly smiled at his enthusiastic words. Oli’s personality was always joy to be around. I hugged him before turning around to start walking home

Answer 2

this is my story so far

Answer 3

OMG THIS IS GOOD!!! YOUR SO TALENTED!!! KEEP IT UP!!!!
I HOPE IT COMES OUT GREAT ( i know it will) :D

Answer 4

omg thank you so much

Answer 5

i should have a update pretty soon

Answer 6

i am also a writer @yuk1

Answer 7

What

Answer 8

I am also a writer and I can tell you have great potential. Really hope there is a Chapter 2 or even more of this 1st chapter.

Answer 9

there will be a 2nd chapter, and a sequal book if i have the motivation to do it

Answer 10

This is really good! Just some advice, maybe capitalize the character's names so they appear to be more important and noticeable. 🤗

Answer 11

Oh okay thank you for your input

Answer 12

https://questioncove.com/study#/updates/61378b0b1fc33c9d23e21b00

Answer 13

I'm a English major who writes stories and works as a proofreader/writing helper. If you post this on a Google Doc and share it with [theshadowlegendx@gmail.com], I can give it a quick proofreading pass. You can do the notify email thing or ping me here if you do so.

Answer 14

alright thank you so much

Answer 15

Maybe a little less detail it seems to run on a bit

Answer 16

Wow this was really good...i was really into the story, i love stories like this hopefully there will be a chapter 2 i would love to read it

Answer 17

there will be a chapter 2 i am currently working on finishing chapter 1

Answer 18

yep should at least be a month until chapter 2 since i am quite a slow writer

Answer 19

Can I be honest on something? Blood isn't pink. lol sry im like that otherwise good job

Answer 20

No.As a person whos written and has gotten Proffessional feedback, I can tell you that details are a big part in a story.You've clearly done such a good job on the story and the hook.All your Complex but understandable details were like you were pulling me in more in more with every written sentence.Clearly worth the "New York Times Best sellers" award.Can't Wait to see what you do next!

Answer 21

Good job keep up the work

Answer 22

you'd make a really good writer someday