Question

Thoughts?
I gently close the journal after writing the last sentence in my journal shaking with anticipation to see my love's face again,

My cell rings in my purse causing it to vibrate "hello" I say into the phone "hello can i speak to Miss Anderson?"

The man on the other line says "This is she" I say placing my journal into the purse next to me "I'm sorry to be a bother ma'am, but your boyfriend Samuel Madsen has gotten into a car accident and-"

Panic sets in before the man is able to finish I blurt out "where is he?",

"Please calm down ma'am I can assure you he will be fine but-" he started but once again was cut off by me, "Just tell me where he is damn it!" there was a moment of silence on the side of the phone.

"North General Hospital in Harlem ma'am," the man on the other line said after a short while "Thank you," I said before I hung up the phone.

The bus stopped a block from the hospital where my love was right now as I exited the bus I said a silent prayer from Samuel,

"I'm coming my love" I whispered to myself before setting off into the night to North General Hospital To the love of my life





-Sam Pov-

"So where is she?" I ask clutching my fists

I don't know what I expected of course she would be late

Just like she is to everything else

The door to my room swings open and Kalien enters

"WHAT THE Chicken HAPPENED" She screams in my face

I wince her loud voice is the last thing i need right now

"don't worry I'm fine, I have a mild concussion and a broken arm" I say looking out the window

"Thats not what i asked but whatever" She says sitting in the chair next to my bed

"hey" she says putting her hand on my leg

"yea" i say turning to face her

"Is there a reason you've been avoiding me?" she asks looking into my eyes

Her eyes sparkle in the light

I look away "did you come here just to ask that" i ask

"yes and no" She replies getting up to move to the other side of my bed

where the window is

"But i came all this way so could you answer"

She asks Grabbing my hand

"I-" I look away from her again

God i can't look at her for two seconds without

feeling the urge to kiss her

I look back at her

"i just needed sometime To myself" I say Looking in her eyes

She turns away "I missed you... Alot"

she says shifting in her chair

"No you miss the way we used to hook up behind my girlfriends back"

I said gritting my teeth and pulling my hand away

...To be continued...

Answer 1

I think it's a great concept, while leaving the suspense intertwined throughout, and presenting the cliffhanger.

Answer 2

This is great! It shows a lot of potental and it really should continue!

Answer 3

Very detailed, Good job!

Answer 4

Your story seems to have a lot of tension and conflict, which can make for an engaging read. The use of dialogue and inner thoughts helps to create a sense of intimacy and adds depth to the characters.

One suggestion for improvement would be to work on the pacing of the story. It might be helpful to slow down certain scenes and provide more detail and description to create a more immersive reading experience. Additionally, it might be useful to clarify certain plot points or character motivations to make the story easier to follow.

Overall, I think your story has potential and I encourage you to keep writing and refining your craft. Good luck!